Monday, May 16, 2011
What I learned from American GODZILLA
The trailer for GODZILLA in the theater was everything you could hope that it would be. It showed tons of carnage without giving away what the monster looked like. I was going to see this sucker opening day. I had to. It was my destiny. Nothing was going to stop me and I was going to love it. There was alot of merchandise for it but I didn't want to see any of it. I wanted to see what Godzilla looked like for the first time on the big screen. But as chance would have it I accidentally saw some GODZILLA movie stickers in a store before the movie came out revealing to me in the smallest way what the monster looked like. I felt the expectation of seeing this movie deflate just a little inside me. I ignored the feeling and reassured myself that GODZILLA would rock my face off.
Finally after what felt like hundreds of years of waiting I saw GODZILLA on opening day. Wow! What a terrific, awesome, stupendous, mind blowing, hilarious, fun roller-coaster ride that movie was. I loved every single second of the two hour and something running time. Godzilla's new look was amazing. I liked that it could run fast and dodge missles and crap. The car ramping off Godzilla's feet was too awesome for words. They never did that in the old movies. I couldn't wait to talk to my friends about it.
They all hated it. In fact the whole damn movie bombed. Nobody liked it. They said it was just a rip-off of JURASSIC PARK and a boring one at that! They didn't get it. The general audience didn't understand GODZILLA. It was way over their heads. You have to love Godzilla movies to appreciate the new GODZILLA. I was it's one and only defender. Only I truly understood GODZILLA. Everyone was stupid but me. In time they too shall love it as much as I did. They just need to see it again on DVD.
Christmas morning I received my very own DVD of GODZILLA. Hoo-Hippin-Hurrah! I put the DVD in and..........I immediately became bored. WTF! I could not get into it to save my life. The characters were a bunch of made for t.v. nobodies that talked and talked and tal-Ooh, that one almost got stepped on but he didn't. Of course he didn't. That would be interesting. Why do we need a love story between two bland people in a Godzilla movie? Who freakin cares? And what was up with the way Godzilla looked? She looked like a giant green grandma hunched over skipping through the streets of New York with a wad of chewing tobacco in her mouth. F--K my life! The joke that Matthew Brodderick the smallest man alive versus an irradiated Iguana with methane breath was insulting. What happened to her radiation breath? Also how do you lose a lizard the size of Rhode Island in New York? GODZILLA was stupid and boring. How could I have two completely different reactions to the same film?
The answer was simple. Hype. I allowed myself to be swayed by all the toys posters and Taco Bell commercials. My Hardcore-Fanboy-Nerd-o Rage would not allow me to see GODZILLA as the craptastic toilet water that it was. This is when I discovered what being objective was in my opinions. Never again would I allow outside forces (except for maybe the devil) to define my opinion on whether a movie was good or not. I see people falling for the hype all the time. TRANSFORMERS anyone? There is no way to defend those movies yet so many people will fight to the death protecting them from scrutiny with maybe a small acknowledgement that the second one wasn't as good as the first. People love the explosions, car chases and hot young popular people. When I see TRANSFORMERS I see it as the movie itself, not the iconic nostalgia image that shaped a small part of my childhood. Guess what? It sucked. I like the old school (generation 1) cartoons and toys but I didn't like the movie. I love the old HULK t.v. show but I hated Ang Lee' THE HULK. I don't let the hype get me anymore. Don't let it get you. Be honest with yourself. If everyone was just honest with themselves then Michael Bay wouldn't have a job anymore. Then maybe our summer blockbusters would be a little more cerebral.
You like the way I used the word "cerebral" right there? Makes me look cerebral, don't ya think?