BUDDY COPS: THE STAKEOUT IS COMING SOON!!!!

The makers of the short film BUDDY COPS: THE STAKEOUT has released a slew of character posters and behind the scenes photos as well as a trailer in preparation for it's release.

Here is the official synopsis.

Newly formed St. Louis police duo John Barrow (Raymond Roberson) and Jack Slate (Tyler Meyer) are assigned the task of tracking down and stopping the dealers of a powerful drug ring. Action meets comedy in this new 80's style homage to Buddy Cop action films.

The release date is to be determined with an estimated date of mid February of this year.  Look for it on YouTube. 

Click here for the trailer!

THE NEON DEAD is worth a look.

When it comes to low budget movies made by people who actually care about film I am very forgiving.  Low budget films obviously have more challenges and obstacles to overcome to get made and shown in the public eye.  I am a big believer in art through adversity.  The challenge and limitations from the lack of money and resources can inspire wonderful results.  THE EVIL DEAD is a terrific example of this.  I am always looking to low budget films for inspiration since I myself am part of the world of no budget film making.  I want more people to know about the good ones and get motivated to support these films and maybe make their own.  I am looking for horror movies that are not homages or at least influenced by THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.  I like that film but it has been too big of an influence on many horror films in the last 20 years or so.  There are so many horror film makers that seek to out shock that classic movie through the on screen suffering of characters that a new genre of horror was created.  Torture Porn.  You can't count the number of horror movies whose plot summary is about a group of young teens and twenty-somethings who go out to the middle of nowhere and become the victims of a crazed cannibal inbred family of yahoos.  I bet there are more movies about crazed cannibal inbred families than there are about Dracula and Frankenstein combined.  People looking for new ideas to be inspired by to create new kinds of horror need to limit their intake of such films unless they just like that kind of film.  I myself like the WRONG TURN movies for some reason.  But if you are looking for something new and different I would recommend THE NEON DEAD.

When Allison discovers a violent ghost in her house she calls Desmond and Jake, an amateur paranormal exterminating duo, to find out what is going on in her house.  The investigation leads our two ghost fighters to uncover the bigger problem of an interstellar demon trying to get to earth and destroy all life as we know it.

What I love is THE NEON DEAD's ambition.  This a small movie with big special effects designed to make this movie look and feel different than so many other horror films.  THE NEON DEAD has zombies but these zombies glowy grey eyes and are painted in grey that look like they would glow in black light.  The zombies actually side with our heroes and fight these robed undead wizards (At least I think they were the wizards.) that look like the Blind Dead but with glowing red eyes.  The zombies are used differently.  They aren't just stumbling around looking for brains or living flesh to eat.  That is part of the charm of THE NEON DEAD.  The creators are using old horror elements and doing something more with them.  I love the interstellar demon-thingy that is brought to life through the magic of stop-motion.  They don't just show it once or twice either.  There is a whole sword fight with it that is rather spectacular for a film like this.

The film has a lot of color to it.  Color is used to emphasize the supernatural world clouding the normal world we live in.  I like bold color in my fantasy horror films.  Films like this are eye candy and candy should be colorful.  Horror doesn't have to always be bland and ugly.  Bland tends to be forgettable and THE NEON DEAD is not forgettable.

At 120 minutes run time I will say that THE NEON DEAD is way too long.  There is a lot of story here that really could be trimmed down.  The script itself needed to be tighter focusing on the relationship between the main trio of Allison, Desmond and Jake.  Their newly formed friendship needs to be the foundation of the film.  They do try to do this but because there is so much going on with the details of the story that the characters never fully develop believable growth.  The film has too much talk.  Too much explanation.  NEON has a lot going on and the film feels the need to explain it all.  Its not necessary.  The result is that the film is kind of a slog to get through.  It is very unfortunate and will turn many people off from the film.  There is a lot of talent behind and in front of the camera that people should take notice of.

The other problem with the film is its lack of imagination with it's choice of camera angles.  Of course this is because of the limit of budget but even the dialogue scenes are mostly shot reverse shot in close ups and mediums with little change.  This confines the visual scope of the film adding to the film feeling slow even though there are a lot of different locations.  However, there are some good camera movement at times too especially with the sword fight that has the camera following smoothly around the actors capturing the excitement of the fight in every detail.

I recommend THE NEON DEAD.  You can learn what to and not to do with your next film.  You can tell that the makers love the horror genre and want to make something that stands out from the rest.  Be sure to stay to the very end for the stinger for the potential sequel.  I hope there is one.  I like what they are trying to do even if it isn't fully successful.  I want to know who that mummy guy was.  Don't know who I am talking about?  You are just going to have to see the film for yourself.

Jason

FINAL GIRLS!

I would compare FINAL GIRLS to THE LAST ACTION HERO but that might infer some negative connotations to the film.  I can't deny that FINAL GIRLS does have a similar concept of people getting trapped in a movie through the magic of cinema.  Instead of getting stuck in JACK SLATER part IV starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, our protagonists find themselves in a slasher flick from the 80's titled CAMP BLOODBATH having to battle a Jason Vorhees type slasher named Billy Murphy.  Both are highly imaginative but LAST ACTION falters by being too zany with the concept adding an out of place cartoon cat that is a detective and having that annoying kid from PREHYSTERIA as the lead actor.  FINAL GIRLS does a better job with the concept.  It manages to stay on the line between between horror and comedy to deliver a sincere heartfelt drama that is surprisingly effective.

Max (The exceptional Taissa Farmiga!) loses her mom (The also exceptional Malin Akerman!) in a car wreck at the beginning of FINAL GIRLS.  Her mom was an actress who played one of the doomed counselors in the cult classic CAMP BLOODBATH.  Max is talked into going to see her mom's film playing at a nearby movie theater.  When a fire breaks out in the theater Max and her friends escape through the movie screen and find themselves in the actual movie.  Trapped Max and her friends try to work with the fictional characters to fight off Billy the invincible slasher who gave the camp its notorious name of CAMP BLOODBATH.

The film is about Max dealing with the loss of her mom.  Seeing Nancy, the character her mom played in CAMP BLOODBATH alive and well, Max takes it upon herself to try and save her from her inevitable death at the hands of Billy Murphy.  If Max can save Nancy in the movie world then maybe somehow she will have her mom back too.  You can see that FINAL GIRLS has a lot of heart to it.  In most horror films nowadays you only see heart if it is literally torn out of a characters chest with liberal amounts of red stuff strewn about.

FINAL GIRLS doesn't rely on gore at all. There is barely any blood anywhere!  How brave!  Blood is replaced by an imaginative story.  Max and her friends find themselves in a horror movie.  This means they are experiencing every scene in the movie.  They see the movie credits.  They get absorbed into the flashback scenes.  They teach one-dimensional counselors to have more depth to them.  Its all rather interesting taking your mind off the fact that there is no gore.  The PG-13 rating doesn't hurt the film.

Billy Murphy looks exactly like the Jason Vorhees from FREDDY VS. JASON except for the mask of course.  Billy's trademark mask is more of a wooden block carved to look like an angry frog totem.  Billy's back story of how he became disfigured is similar to Cropsey's in THE BURNING.  Not a bad combination.  Having to abide by the rules of slasher films  only the 'final' girl can kill Billy at the end of the movie.  This presents a problem for Max's plan to save Nancy. Max is now a character in the film and there can be only one female protagonist alive to defeat the killer.

My hope is that FINAL GIRLS continues to find a bigger and bigger audience influencing the next generation of horror film makers.  Horror needs that.  For the last 20 years or so too many creators of the horror genre have been overly influenced by the classic TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.  Bleak and bland horror has now taken up too much of our time.  In contrast the look of FINAL GIRLS is bright and cheery with beautiful flowers growing about in various colors.  It takes a daring director to try such a thing in a slasher film.  Granted CAMP BLOODBATH is a fake movie meant to look different from the real world presented in FINAL GIRLS but I think a bolder look to horror that is more visually vibrant and not so colorless would be a refreshing approach.  At least it is a good way to get your slasher film to get noticed.  Slasher films can be artistic too.

Jason

REZISTANCE

REZISTANCE is a fun romp through some familiar zombie territory.  The story is about a small group of survivors trying to survive the zombie epidemic that has recently been released upon the world.  We have  a great little group of characters though.  We have a badass biker looking for his wife, a brother and sister who are just trying to survive, a kung-fu girl and a cop who thinks he knows what is going on with these undead shenanigans.  They must work together to stop the source of the zombie outbreak.


Director Mark Colombo has put together a great film for his debut feature.  It mixes the 'Grindhouse' look with the 'Comic Book' style rather creatively.  I am surprised no one else had thought of that.  Sometimes the film quality will get scratchy and worn out and then cut to comic book panels to bring us to the next scene.  The movie doesn't take itself too seriously but it does have a story to tell focusing on the relationship between brother and sister.  You have the two main characters who are brother and sister in contrast with the cop and his sister who maybe responsible for raising the dead with black magic.  The cop who is a badass wants nothing more to have his sister back who he believes he lost along time ago to a dark amulet she found in a cave when they were kids.  One brother tries to save his sister while the other may have to destroy his.

I love that there is a supernatural reason to the zombie outbreak.  I hate the word 'virus'.  It is too often used in horror movies.  I like a fantasy element to my horror sometimes like in the olden days of classic Hammer films.  That is another reason why REZISTANCE stands out from all the other zombie movies that have come out in the last few years.  Even at the end when all is said and done we are shown a little surprise with the undead that hasn't been done before.  I won't spoil it but I thought it was rather clever.  It couldn't have been done if the zombies were nothing more than the result of a boring old virus.

This film looks like a community effort with lots of extras to play zombies and local businesses using their places for settings.  I love that.  This movie moves about with many locations.  This isn't one of those movies where the entire story takes place in one or two locations.  It looks like everyone had a great time.  Even Hacksaw Jim Duggan makes a surprise appearance to add more awesome to the mix!  Mark Colombo wore many hats in the making of this film being not just the director but the cinematographer, producer, co-writer and actor as well.  He actually is the funniest part of the film with him and a buddy preparing for the zombie apocalypse adding alcohol and guns together.  Whoops!

A sequel to this would be great.  I would love it if the biker was roaming the country on his bike still looking for his wife and fighting vampires along the way.  He and the cop could team up once again to fight a different kind of undead with the help of the kung-fu girl and maybe Hacksaw too.  The movie could be called I HUNT DRACULAS!  Think about it!

It is a low budget film so like I always say there are things to forgive.  But if you love independent horror films that have fun and not try to bore the audience with excessive scenes of pain and suffering and nihilism then I suggest you give this film a try.  I always enjoy seeing what other film makers can do without the big budgets of Hollywood.  The great ones like REZISTANCE do not let the budget limit what they can do.  That is a hard challenge to overcome and should be appreciated.  Watch it for Halloween!


Jason

R.I.P.D. parties like its 1996!

Maybe if R.I.P.D. came out in 1996 it would be considered a good movie.  Not great but good just like the first MEN IN BLACK movie.  Movies like R.I.P.D. and the MEN IN BLACK trilogy rely on people showing up to the theater to be amused by their big special effects and know that the movie is good because big name movie stars agreed to be in it.  These are not story driven films.  The plots are always about saving the entire world from some big disaster thingy because that is as big as the story can be.  But it is not 1996.  We have seen bigger better films made that take the material seriously.  R.I.P.D. I believe is based off a comic.  If so this movie maybe more like Stallone's JUDGE DREDD where the source material was jettisoned to make way for weaker, blander, safer story elements that would equal box office success and not so much artistic credibility.

So....Ryan Reynolds is a good cop who makes one questionable decision but decides he is going to correct that decision but is murdered by his corrupt partner, Kevin Bacon.  After being murdered Ryan Reynolds is pulled up into Heaven for judgement but before he meets his maker he is suddenly pulled into the R.I.P.D. unit to be partnered up with Jeff Bridges to have a formulaic adventure where the two cops are first at odds with each other but then learn to appreciate one another's differences while at the same time saving the world from complete annihilation by a big swirling C.G.I. thingy. (See movie poster for details)  Its one of those movies you have seen so many times you know the whole movie by the trailer.

You would think that maybe the film would be funny or at the least bit entertaining with two great stars like Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges.  I like these two...but not in this movie.  It is not for their lack of trying either.  Both do a fine job with the material that they are given.  There just isn't much to work with.  Their characters are as realistic as the big cartoon special effects.  Ryan tries to give his vanilla character some charm but despite the film spending much of the run time following him he just isn't given anything to do that would make him a stand out character.  The film would rather bore us with repetitive adventure scenes of cartoon zombie ghost whatevers bouncing and running about until finally caught or shot into nonexistence.  The movie figures the audience will be too bored with character development.  In the end our two heroes never develop a genuine bond of friendship.  We the audience could care less what happens to these two.

The ideas that form R.I.P.D. seem to be under cooked.  Take for example the Deados.  Are they ghosts?  Are they zombies?  What are they exactly?  They hide in human form but do they all look how they used to look when they were alive?  Wouldn't that just make it easier for the good guys to tell who was dead without the Deados making themselves look normal?  The R.I.P.D. folks look like totally different people.  Ryan Reynolds comes back to earth looking like James Hong which is the one funny thing in this movie.  Do the Deados look like completely different people too?  You would think the R.I.P.D. would have a list of who was dead and not suppose to be on earth anymore.  When you shoot a Deado with R.I.P.D.'s guns the Deado is erased from existence.  I think if you were a Deado you would want that rather than being condemned to hell.  It almost encourages them to be bad.  Why not just shoot them all so they don't build a thing that causes another thing to happen that makes the world overrun with Deados.  It is not like shooting them is overly cruel.  They wouldn't even know what happened to them.  I just don't get this movie.

No matter where the camera is placement or how big the special effect the film fails in every way to engage the audience.  The Deados are big blurbs shrinky-dinked on the screen never looking real and hard to see any detail to their features.  They move about the screen in blurs.  These effects are cartoons.  They don't look real.  They look annoying.  This wouldn't be bad if it were in the early to mid nineties.  We could forgive them then but now with so many advancements in the technology where often it is hard to tell what is real and what is computer there is no excuse except for a lack of passion for the project.  Maybe they wanted more cartoony to go along with the comedic nature of the film but it still means we are giving visuals that do not impress or even leave a lasting image in your head.  In fact it is kind of hard to remember what even happened in this movie after watching it.  Even bad films leave an impression.  R.I.P.D. is so mediocre it is forgettable and that is the biggest travesty for any film.  Unless you are an actor in that film for which you would want people to forget the mediocre bad movie you were in.

R.I.P.D. has a good concept of ghost cops hunting down ghost bad guys.  There is a good story there somewhere.  Hopefully this movie gets remade faster than the Spider-Man  films.  The same thing could happen that happened to DREDD.  The original wasn't very good but eventually a truly great DREDD film was made.  That is probably the best R.I.P.D. fans could hope for.  With Hollywood remaking everything there is no doubt R.I.P.D. will get the remake treatment.  You just might be working for the R.I.P.D. when it happens.

Jason

SCARE ZONE is a splattery good time! LOL!

SCARE ZONE is about a group of young people taking up jobs to help run a haunted house attraction.  They each have their own troubles getting adjusted to their new jobs but eventually they all manage.  Oopsy for them though, someone has taken it upon themselves to make these young people permanent fixtures of Scare Zone.  One by one a killer stalks the new hires killing them throughout the three day event and hiding the bodies in plain sight as part of the gruesome displays.  You just know that one day this is going to happen in real life.

Most of the characters are a little over the top and don't feel like real people but it fits the light-hearted tone of the film.  I did like Oliver the high spirited owner of Scare Zone.  He brings the much needed energy to the screen gleefully assigning people to their duties and comically dealing with the Hispanic workers (Who really are the funniest part of the film.) that help build the sets.  A big surprise comes from the developing relationship between main character Daryl and a goth chick named Claire.  It starts off weird with Claire talking about cutting herself and setting her up as a red herring (Possibly!) for the audience to suspect as the killer.  As the movie moves along we understand her more as a young woman dealing with issues from her past that Daryl wants to help her with.  Their relationship keeps the movie glued together making you actually care for somebody on screen.

You can see if you pay attention that there is a little more thought put into most aspects of this film.  It is a funny movie when it wants to be.  Sometimes it isn't when it wants to be too but the hits out weigh the misses in my opinion.  There are a few weird musical montages set to modern vanilla pop rock featuring young people goofing around being "hip" and "funny" and "young."  I don't know how I feel about those.  For the most part this is a well filmed entertaining piece of work.  SCARE ZONE was shot in one of the Universal Studios Halloween attractions but the film isn't locked into one location.   Visually the film opens up to more locations so you do not become bored by the rubbery dummies, fake blood and dimly lit set pieces of the haunted house attraction.  The camera work has some creative angles and movements to draw the audience in without being too noticeable.  Toward the end the movie really picks up when the killer goes on a killing spree murdering the haunted house workers in front of the patrons to their jeers proclaiming that everything looks fake or lame.  Now that is funny in a dark sort of way.

If you are looking for a fun bloody slasher movie that doesn't take itself too seriously then give SCARE ZONE a try.  It maybe a little overlooked but it is a good one.  I bought it because I was going to Universal Horror Nights and I wanted to see if I could recognize the attraction they used.  I didn't recognize it.  By the way if you haven't been to Universal Horror Nights and you are a huge horror fan then I suggest you do yourself a favor and go!  It was one of the best nights of my life.  Their attractions are so real that you feel like you are walking through a horror movie.  I went through the CABIN IN THE WOODS house and it was exactly like the movie.  Surreal!  There was so much to see.  I want to go again and again and again.  If you do go you may want to go more than one night because you will be waiting in line a long time!


Jason

GORILLA INTERRUPTED is a different kind of good.

Let me just start off by stating that I am a huge fan the guys over at RedletterMedia.com.  I love their review shows HALF IN THE BAG, BEST OF THE WORST and the extremely insightful/hilarious PLINKETT REVIEWS.  The shows' creators Mike Stoklasa, Jay Bauman, and Rich Evans are three talented and funny individuals that bring something a little different to the Internet with their web series.  They have a bunch of short films on their website and occasionally put out a movie now and then.  I highly recommend FEEDING FRENZY.  They have been gracious enough to release their first movie they made back in the day called GORILLA INTERRUPTED.

GORILLA INTERRUPTED is about Ray Grabowski, a man who is turned into a gorilla by aliens.  With the help of his kind-of-sort-of friends Dex, Sid and Jar Jar Binks the four yahoos stop an alien invasion and fight the Devil for some reason.  It has "shot in the backyard with dad's camera" production values but the film has this strange crude energy that you don't get too often in comedies.   I was reminded of the show THE YOUNG ONES which I was excited to hear them mention on the commentary track. The story is strange and the humor is absurd but there are genuine moments of greatness that hint at the greater things that came afterward.

The real reason why you should get this movie is for the making of documentary and the commentary track with Mike, Jay and Rich.  Both give funny insights into the guys of Redlettermedia and where they came from, how they got together and what struggles and obstacles they encountered when making this movie.  Friendships were tested, stuff was broken and in the end they came out with a film that left them tired and disappointed.  Yet, without GORILLA INTERRUPTED there wouldn't be RedletterMedia.  I am glad that they do show some love for their film by going back and redoing some of the special effects to make them more palatable to the eyes.

I had fun watching all that GORILLA INTERRUPTED had to offer.  Yes, it is not for everyone.  But if you are into making movies then buying this movie will not only encourage you to proceed with media production (In more ways than one!) but you will be helping a smart group of guys continue to make the Internet a funny place to visit.

Jason

SLASHERS GONE WILD is unwatchable.....BUT I WATCHED IT ANYWAYS!

SLASHERS GONE WILD is not a very good movie.  In fact I am not sure it is really a movie at all.  What we have here looks more like a collection of kids in bad generic slasher costumes acting like Pro-Wrestlers in their backyard for a rejected cable access show trying so hard to be horrific and funny but being too adolescent to understand how to do either.  The "movie" is one long ugly smear across the t.v. screen that goes on and on and on never developing into anything remotely resembling a movie.  SLASHERS GONE WILD tries to have fun with the slasher genre.  I appreciate that.  The problem is every possible concept, visual, and story element is so poorly conceived and thought out that it makes you wonder what were they thinking  I don't think they were.  By the way I don't think that two of the three slashers on the DVD cover are even in the film.  Who the heck are they?  I could be wrong though.  This "film" hurt my eyes a lot so it was hard to tell who was who sometimes.
 
There is no plot or story to SLASHERS GONE WILD.  Yes, it does try to tell a story but it is kind of hard to do so when you have no script and it is painfully obvious that there was no script.  Almost every scene is just some guy who is suppose to be a slasher stabbing, cutting, mutilating or whatever some person tied down to a chair, table or couch.  This collection of scenes become more and more irritating as the film goes on because you realize that THIS is how the whole "movie: is going to be and none of it makes sense.  Here is the premise.  A reporter is in a room and starts investigating a website where slashers compete (by sending videos of themselves killing people I presume) to join a business of some sort that is nothing but slashers who kill people who pollute the environment.  The winner gets to join the club and receives pills that make them a super unstoppable Jason Vorhees like killer.  Problem is you don't see the slashers compete on some show where they are running around killing hapless victims which would be a great idea.  No, instead we just see guys with victims tied to objects cutting on their victims while ad libbing mostly audible lines and laughing after every word they say.  It is really annoying. 

You can see that the makers of SLASHERS GONE WILD missed the point as to what a slasher is.  They only understand recognizable cliched iconic visual trademarks like hockey masks, chainsaws, blood and intestines.  They only grasp the lower common denominator of what a slasher is.  A slasher has a reason for what they do.  They stalk and chase.  The really good slasher films of the past had likable characters that you root for or if you hated them root against.  Those films mixed cheap thrills with often spooky moods and haunting atmosphere.  I guess SLASHERS GONE WILD didn't have the budget for atmosphere.  Remember how awesome the original BLACK CHRISTMAS was?  The killer in that didn't even wear a mask AND it wasn't that bloody compared to most.

The strange thing about this "film" was that it wasn't the big problems like the nonexistent story, horrible VHS quality video, out of sync sound or even the annoying characters and monotonous pace that bothered me the most.  It was the small things.  I got the impression that this whole fiasco was super rushed with no thought to anything that they were doing.  It is like they filmed a bunch of horror themed skits, slapped them together when they realized that together there was a long enough run time to qualify as a movie and put them on a sleek looking DVD trying to trick people into thinking this was a genuine movie.  For instance there is a character named Loonitic.  See how they purposefully changed the 'U' in 'Lunatic' to 'OO' in an attempt to be clever?  Do you think they meant to change the 'A' into an 'I' as well?  I don't think so.  Loonitic likes to tie people up and play Truth or Dare and if they don't get the question right he kills them and if they do answer correctly he kills them anyway.  Wait a minute.  How do you get a question wrong in Truth or Dare?  Last time I checked Truth or Dare is when you ask someone to tell a truth about them not some random impossible math question that nobody would ever get the right answer to.  It's not suppose to be 20 Questions.  Also the motto or whatever to the slashers club is POLLUTE OR DEATH?  I am not asking a question.  There is a question mark at the end of their motto.  Shouldn't it be POLLUTE OR DIE with no question mark?  It is little annoyances that indicate that there was no effort put into anything in this "movie".

At the end of SLASHERS GONE WILD words appear threatening a sequel.  I looked it up and found that they have a Indieagogo or Kickstarter campaign going.  I honestly wish them success even though it seemed like they were intentionally trying to kill me with this "film".  I know that sounds strange coming from some jerk on the Internet who just trashed the "film" but I don't like wishing ill will on any film maker.  Uwe Boll being the exception of course.  I just hope they grow as film makers and realize that TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE isn't the only horror movie around.  Everybody rips off TCM and that isn't even that gory of a film either.  Gore isn't horror.  Gore is just gross.

Oh, and the special effects belong in the 'Not So Special' effects category.  Just sayin...

Jason

WARM BODIES: A zombie movie for girls....and this guy.

WARM BODIES is the story of Romeo and Juliet with zombies and people instead the Capulets and the Montagues.  I can't think of any zombie movies where the main character was a shambling incoherent rotting corpse.  That is really cool.  Nicholas Hoult plays a zombie named R who is looking for more in his undead existence than just walking around and eating people.  Things begin to change however when he sees Julie for the first time.  Julie is not a zombie.  She is very much alive but instead of wanting to eat her R falls in love with her.  For some reason she is able to make him feel something for the first time in a long time.  R brings it on himself to protect Julie played by Teresa Palmer from his fellow undead zombies and some skeleton people.

There is a reason why WARM BODIES was previewed in front of BREAKING DAWN part 2 and that is because there really isn't a whole lot that happens in this movie.  That is not to say that WARM BODIES is a bad film.  Quite the contrary.  It is just that this is a romantic comedy, so a good portion of this film is solely focused on the relationship building between R and Julie.  That is the whole reason to watch a film like this in the first place.  And while Nicholas is a very likable zombie he is still a zombie.  The whole plot about R having a hard time trying to get this girl to like him because he is dead kind of gets old.  The film can't help but drag a bit.  WARM BODIES doesn't give you the high energy the trailer promises.  Some of that I believe is due to not using the music more effectively in the film and the writing overall could have been smarter.  Still WARM BODIES is a good film.  It just isn't a great film.

It is nice to see that this isn't a typical boring zombie movie that is bleak and depressing and comes to the same 'zombies take over everything' conclusion that most movies in this category subscribe to.  WARM BODIES gets better and better as the story develops.  We are introduced to neat concepts like eating brains gives zombies the memories of their victims which helps R feel and relate to Julie.  Zombies don't dream because they don't fall asleep so it is exciting to see R have his first dream.  I like how R's love for Julie reminds other zombies on how to live again and that spreads to other zombies bringing them back to life and such.  In the end it is nice to see everything ending on a positive rather than a negative.  WARM BODIES tells a story and ends a story.  It doesn't do that whole leaving it open for a sequel crap.

Even though it could have been better WARM BODIES is still a stand out film for this year due to some creative concepts and positive vibe.  Maybe it is a little to 'TWILIGHT-ish" in a couple of places but it isn't too noticeable.  At one point I did think that Teresa Palmer looked a little too much like Kristen Stewart.  There is just something about her face that is all.  It was just one moment though that quickly passed.  There is also a scene where Julie and her ex-boyfriend are lying in a field looking up at clouds and stuff.  It wouldn't be a romantic movie without that scene, I guess.  I wouldn't really know.  I don't watch too many romance movies.  But if you like romantic comedies and looking for something different then I recommend WARM BODIES.  If you are looking for blood and guts and depressing visions of the future and mankind watch this movie anyways.  It will help your outlook on life.  The characters in WARM BODIES can be looked upon as the various emotional states people get into when dealing with their feelings and love.  But I am a guy and I don't like to get all mushy-gooshy with that stuff.  See it for yourselves and come up with your own conclusions.  Don't take my word for it.  I am just some guy with nothing better to do than write about a rather unique 'chick flick'.  Enjoy.


Jason

THE CINEMA SNOB MOVIE: A film for people who love film.

If you don't know who Brad Jones is then I suggest heading over to his website Thecinemasnob.com.  He plays a character called the Cinema Snob who watches some of the most bizarre, freakish, obscure films ever made and then reviews them for us.  As the Snob, Brad has no problem lambasting these films and yet still loves their existence by collecting as many of them as he can.  What I like about his reviews is that not only is he funny but he is extremely insightful with his critiques.  You learn a lot especially if you are into making movies on what not to do.  If you were ever curious about a movie but didn't want shell out the cash for it then I suggest watching the Cinema Snob review it.  You get a good sense of how craptacular the movie is and you get to see all the good moments without losing any money you stole from your Nana's purse.  What Brad is doing here is taking his love for movies a step farther by making his own comedic exploitation movie.  Oh, how the tables have turned.  Now it is his work under the microscope.  Did he make a good movie worthy of your attention?  Yes.  Yes, he did.

THE CINEMA SNOB MOVIE starts off about two no budget film makers trying to get an exploitation movie called BLACK ANGUS made.  Brad Jones plays Craig Golightly a long haired fake beard wearing film maker trying to convince the head of the film commission, Dan Phillips to give him permits to film his movie.  Unable to win Dan's endorsement Craig joins his film club for pretentious film critics by becoming the Cinema Snob.  He cuts his hair, and puts on the glasses and signature suit fooling the critics and wowing everyone in the film club by showing them SALO.  I won't even explain SALO.  Just don't watch it.  Now you are going to, aren't you?  While he is inside the club he meets the beautiful Nancy (played by Brad's real life wife Jillian Zurawski) who is married to Dan Phillips.  The two hit it off but things get complicated between them when the film club members start dying off one by one in giallo style and Nancy becomes the prime suspect.

The strength of THE CINEMA SNOB MOVIE is the writing.  The look of the film is rather bland with not too many interesting or creative film angles or movement.  Sometimes the audio levels fluctuate between shots in the same scene which can be a little distracting.  It is a low budget movie after all.  There are going to be things you need to forgive.  Pay attention to the dialogue though.  There are so many funny lines that you will miss some from laughing so hard.  At least I did.  I like humor that doesn't need to explain itself.  Either you get it or you don't.  There are several references to obscure movies.  You may not get them at all.  Doesn't that just make you want to go out and learn more?  Most of what he references is in his reviews on his website though.  Maybe this is one of those movies where you really need to be a fan of the Cinema Snob to like.  I figure though if you are into cheesy exploitation movies you will find a movie like this a bit refreshing showing some love to them.  Brad carries the entire film playing the Snob perfectly and giving  a strong performance especially during one scene where he is monologuing to the killer about loving what you do despite being hated on by the film critics.  There are a couple of really great scenes like this usually involving him making fun of critics who over analyze films to the point of absurdity.  Not everything is a metaphor for the Holocaust.  Noah Antwiller (Spoony from the SpoonyExperiment.com) gives an energetic and hilarious performance as the town's richest man who is crazy enough to fund BLACK ANGUS.  Spoony does reviews of all kinds of nerd-o culture stuff like computer games and movies and such.  I highly recommend watching his stuff as well.

I guess by the third act the film feels a little like it has out stayed its welcome.  Still it is the third act that has some of the best moments of the film.  The movie has two plots which can put the audience a little off course going from a comedy about two guys trying to make a ridiculous badass movie to a comedy about a movie snob trying to find a killer who is murdering local film critics.  Actually it might be three if you include the actor taking on the persona of his character and trying to find the killer himself.  Maybe THE CINEMA SNOB MOVIE isn't for everybody but I still highly recommend it.  Brad Jones shows a true passion for the movies and he is sharing it with us all.  Buy it here and see it for yourself.  At least you will be supporting a talented independent film maker....

Yes, there is nudity.

Jason

PARANORMAN: DEAD BODIES IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE!?!

Don't worry, folks.  The dead bodies talk so that makes it okay.

*SPOILERS*  BEWARE! BEWARE!

PARANORMAN brings a slightly darker edge to children's mainstream animation.  In no way is it as dark as kid's movies back in the eighties.  Remember those?  Remember the NEVERENDING STORY when that large werewolf would run around with it's huge teeth and damnable nightmarish yellow eyes?  The horrible thing talked too.  Or what about THE DARK CRYSTAL with the giant black crabs that broke through walls from everywhere dispelling any notion that you were going to get a decent night sleep.  SECRET OF NIMH, anyone?  Back in my day kids movies gave you nightmares and that's they way we liked them.  They were a little more adult filled with imagination that wasn't afraid to get a little dark from time to time.  Nowadays we get some good animated films (Usually from PIXAR) but they are all free of any imagery that would freak out the wussiest of brats.  PARANORMAN comes close to bringing back some of those kinds of disturbing moments but not quite.  It is a good movie but not great.  Why do they always have to put some boring moral lesson into these movies?  Why do they always have to go the "smart" story route.  Why can't this be a simple story about a boy who fights zombies and becomes a hero because of his extreme knowledge of horror movies and his macabre ability to communicate with the dead?  Oh, well at least it is not a musical.

PARANORMAN starts off great with our protagonist Norman watching a zombie movie on t.v.  We see that he is totally obsessed with zombies having posters of them all over his wall with a zombie alarm clock and a zombie tooth brush and such.  His family thinks he is weird because he still talks to grandma who has been dead for a few months or so.  As he goes to school he talks to all the ghosts that he sees along the way.  The town folk see him as weird too.  At school he is bullied and treated like an outcast but he befriends the fat kid and blah-blah-blah zombie stuff happens.  We know all this stuff already.  What about the zombies?  Well for one they are risen from the dead by a witches curse.  We find out that they were (sigh) Puritans.  There were seven of them that stood witness at the witch's trial.  Now right there we already know that they unjustifiably sentenced some poor girl to death for witchcraft because that is what the Puritans did back in the old days.  At least according to the History Channel they did.  How uncreative is that?  Puritans and witches curses?  How about a leaky barrel of toxic waste rolling through a cemetery and some Butt-Rock Hair Metal music to get our zombie carnage started?  I miss you, the eighties.  *Sob*

You see once you find out that the town celebrates it's famous historical witch trial we already know the whole story.  It becomes a little boring.  You already know that the witch was just some innocent person that was wrongly convicted.  Wait a minute.  Why can she put a witches curse on you even though she really isn't a witch at all?  That doesn't make any sense.  Either she was a witch or she wasn't.  If she wasn't she shouldn't be able to put a witches curse on anybody.  We find out that she was a young girl Norman's age who could also speak to the dead which made her an outcast.  Does that mean Norman can cast curses too and light up into electricity?  The movie doesn't say.  As it turns out the zombies are not bad they are just trying to get the curse ended with Norman's help.  They are sorry for what they did.  Eh, what can I say?  It's a kid's movie.  The girl at the trial says she was "just playing".  That is fine and all but the fact that she can cast a curse almost legitimizes the conviction.  That isn't right.  Maybe later if she had lived she would eventually become an all powerful witch able to cast spells on those she simply didn't like.  You kind of shot yourself in the foot with that one didn't ya, PARANORMAN?

Yes, the story is smart (for the most part) with a good message about forgiveness and not to be a bully.  Yes, there are some clever moments like when the Puritan zombies find themselves the outcasts and hunted by the town's people.  It is very ironic.  There are some nods to classic horror movies most of which I missed because I'm not a smart guy with a keen eye for detail.  I love this kind of stop motion animation and the colors and scenery are outstanding.  I just didn't find the humor all that funny.  I also didn't like the fact that the ghosts Norman talks too disappear once the story starts to get rolling.  I would have thought that all these ghosts would start to float around and help Norman out when the zombies show up but they don't.  He doesn't have a relationship with them.  It would have been cool if they were the only friends that Norman had.  They could have helped him when no one alive would.  That would have been cool.  But instead Norman's gift for talking to the dead is only helpful because only he can talk to the zombies and only he can talk to the dead girl who is not a witch but can cast witch's curses.  Its not as creative of a movie as I would have liked.  I would have liked to have seen the ghosts have more of an impact on the main story.  Instead they are just there at the beginning to let us, the audience, know that Norman talks to dead people.

If you have kids that love monster movies then I highly recommend this movie.  They will get a kick out of all the spooky scenery, ghosts, and severed limb humor.  And kids aren't too smart so they won't see the story twists coming from a mile away.  I know I am a little down on this one but I did really like this movie and I want to see it do well.  Horror fans should love it.  I just wasn't blown away by it.  If I had seen this movie back when I was ten then this probably would have been one of my favorite films of all time just because it had zombies in it.  Unfortunately I am old now and I hate everything.  I had high expectations for this movie.  I rarely go see kids movies in the theater.  When I do it is because I am expecting something great.  PARANORMAN could have been great.  It trips up with having to tell an overly complicated story about forgiving one another and stuff.  Why can't a kid's movie be about a bunch of crazy crap happening with no real moral message whatsoever?  Remember THE GOONIES?  It is nice to see that there are a couple of similar spooky kid movies coming out soon.  I am looking forward to FRANKENWEENIE and HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA.  I will be seeing those as well.  Next time however I will keep my expectations low.


Jason

CHILLERAMA hurts my balls!

Its the final night of a closing drive-in theater.  To celebrate three (technically four) extremely rare films are being shown for the first time in decades.  These films are so rare that only one copy of each exists.  Movie enthusiasts pack the drive-in eager to see them.  Unfortunately for them  one of the drive-in workers decided to try and corpse rape his dead and buried wife who just happens to be a zombie.  After getting his "johnson" mauled by the undead the worker goes to work and whacks off his now undead spunk into the popcorn butter which is the distributed to the audience.  Zombies happen.

What we have here is an anthology of short films representing different kinds of monster movies from the past.  The titles are kind of funny.  You have WADZILLA,  I WAS  A TEENAGE WEREBEAR, and DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN.  Oh, and lets not forget DEFECATION!  Actually lets forget that last one. 

WADZILLA is about a giant sperm that eats everybody and tries to mate with the statue of liberty.  This one was kind of funny.  I like the main character.  He is a short nerdy guy who can only produce one sperm.  Ray Wise is his doctor and he gives him a experimental drug that makes his one sperm a giant monster.  WADZILLA has its moments  I think I relate to the humor a little bit just because I have balls and that is what this story is all about.  The ending is funny when the monster is exploded and everyone gets covered in goo.  His new girlfriend is drenched and she wants to kiss him at the end but he doesn't really want to because you know why.  Not too bad.

I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR is like a sixties California beach movie.  The title is pretty creative and the story about a young man coming to terms with his homosexuality could have been great but it ends up being the weaker entry due to it being a musical.  Nice try.  You do get to see a guy killed by being impaled by a "red rocket" though.  Why would I want to see that?  That is just gross.  The story is about a young man who is bit on the butt by a gay tough guy who turns into a burly bear man in leather fetish gear.  Our hero becomes a werebear too but unlike his new friends he doesn't want to kill anyone.  Now he has to stop them from eating party goers or something like that.  I just thought this one could have been better.

DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN is the funniest one of all.  The best thing about it is that the humor relies less on toilet balls humor and more on clever and unexpected moments.  It is definitely the best story.  Hitler finds Anne Frank and her family and discovers they have a diary from Frankenstein who was there relative.  He takes it a creates a Jewish Frankenstein monster played by Kane Hodder.  I really liked this one.  It is more creative and has the most laughs.  It is filmed in black and white and does a good job of looking like a classic Universal Frankenstein film.  Good job.

The story taking place at the drive-in is kind of good but the whole place gets overrun with zombies that rape you to death.  That is a little overboard if you ask me.  There is one awesome moment when the owner of the drive-in starts blasting away the horn-balls of the undead with a shotgun quoting popular movie lines from better movies.  That was cool.  Other than that CHILLERAMA is a mix bag of funny, unfunny and extremely tasteless.  If you found BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DOES AMERICA to be an enjoyable experience then you might want to give this one a try.  But if you like a little more thought in your humor then you won't be missing much by skipping this one.  I really wanted to like CHILLERAMA.  I could tell the makers were having fun with this one but it was just too immature for my delicate tastes.  It was like they were paying homage to poop jokes disguised as a bow to older exploitation films.  Less balls and dongs please.

Before I go I just want to add that I will never look at the Statue Of Liberty the same way again.  Thanks CHILLERAMA.  No, seriously.  I mean it.


Jason

SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK! Just kill me now!

I will give you one guess as to what two movies this movie is not spoofing.  Seriously why would you call this movie SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK when it has nothing to do with FRIDAY THE 13TH or THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK?  I like how the poster says "WARNING: THIS MOVIE STARTS WHERE THE OTHERS CHICKEN OUT"  That's cute since this movie DOESN'T EVEN START WHERE THE FIRST ONE ENDED!  It is also extremely disingenuis since this comedy is about as scary as an episode of PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE.  In fact this entire movie looks like an episode of PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE.  Nice poster too, Morons.  Next time I produce a film I will insist that the poster is drawn and colored with crayons by a ten year old.

SATURDAY THE 14TH (sigh) STRIKES BACK is about a boy about to turn 16 and happens to be the Prince of Darkness or something.  Apparently the devil chose this kid to take his place when the kid turned 16.  The kid doesn't want to be evil though.  He is a good kid and doesn't want to destroy the world.  Man is this stupid.  What a completely uninteresting story.  There is this crack in the basement of the kid's house where evil monsters magically appear from.  They don't really kill anybody like the kids annoying relatives.  The monsters just hang around and do stupid stuff.  For instance the boy has a fat uncle played by the fat principle from BILLY MADISON who ends up magically having a submarine in his stomach.  The running gag is that he keeps making submarine sounds from his mouth as if there really is a submarine in his stomach which there is.  Folks, just trust me.  I am not making any of this up.  This is the humor we have to deal with.  This vampire chick shows up first in the boy's room and breaks out into a song about not liking to drink blood and wants to be good so she won't be a vampire anymore.  I didn't know this was going to be a musical and neither does this movie because this movie only has one other song number.  Obviously when they were filming this movie there was a script change because all of the sudden the vampire chick is evil and wants the boy to take the devil's throne.  The whole movie is a mess.  By the way, the second song number involves the main character running through a miniature golf course being chased by monsters.  Bravo.....

MY FAVORITE MARTIAN is in this movie too.  I don't know why.  He could do so much better.  I guess everyone needs to work every now and again.  He is the boy's grandpa but not really.  He is a wizard that helps the kid make the right decisions.  Ugh!  It is so painful to write this crap.  It's so stupid.  Why would the devil choose some nice kid to be his heir.  Why not some kid who puts cats in microwaves and thinks THE MISFITS play better songs than JEM?  Wouldn't that make more since than some boy scout.

Every attempt at humor is an embarrasing failure.  Why does the mom serve meals that are nothing but junk food?  Is that suppose to be funny?  WTF!?!  While watching this movie I felt embarrassed for everyone that was in this movie.  Remember in BILLY MADISON when Billy breaks out into song from out of nowhere.  The film suddenly becomes embarrassing to watch especially when you are watching it with your friends?  For a moment everything becomes really awkward and uncomfortable and you immediately disown the film for a brief time as to not let your friends think you were uncool.  That uncomfortable feeling is what you experience the whole time you watch SATURDAY THE 14TH (sigh) STRIKES BACK.  Avoid it as if your life depended on it.  Were they trying to make a children's film?  There is so much of this movie I just don't get.  How can the guys that made this film not know what a spoof is?  Thanks for the pain, idiots.

Jason

SATURDAY THE 14th: Uh, Why is there a Dracula Creature from the Black Lagoon on the cover?

Oh, childhood memories you have let me down yet again.  I remember SATURDAY THE 14TH being a funny, imaginative, scary movie that was high on creepy atmosphere and laughs.  But back then I was five and stupid.  Now that I am old and narcissistic I can clearly see what a boring, incredibly naive piece of schlock this movie is.  Its so tongue-in-cheek that the tongue has pressed through the cheek creating a large amount of trauma and blood loss and there are all these people standing around shocked into petrification that nobody can help but watch the ugly mess unfold before their very eyes until the damnable thing dies.  In other words this movie is grossly bad.  I can't even give it a pass for nostalgic reasons.

The movie crashes and burns almost instantly as the credits pop up over a freeze framed haunted house and each name is introduced with some poorly animated animal like a snake or bat crawling or flying on the screen like this was some kind of kids movie.  The animation is bad, folks.  Like they didn't have time to finish it but they went with it anyways because it was the early 80's and no one thought that they would invent the Internet so some guy with too much time on his hands could write a blog post to point it out.  After the credits roll we are "treated" to scene after scene of painfully bad humor involving monsters running around in a house trying to get a book that has powers and the newly moved in family doesn't seem to notice except the boy of course.  There are two draculas also trying to get the book.  I really have no idea what is going on in this movie.  Nothing makes sense.  There are too many holes to count.  Nothing visually leaves an impact on your memories.  Its a forgettable mess of boredom. 

SATURDAY THE 14TH has an innocent quality to it.  It is as if who ever wrote LEAVE IT TO BEAVER or HAPPY DAYS wrote this movie.  Look at the title.  Doesn't the title imply that this would be a spoof of at the time modern slasher flicks like FRIDAY THE 13TH?  But there is no spoof to be found.  If you think about it this movie isn't a spoof at all.  It is just a really bad comedy that has monsters and draculas in it.  Did an 8 year old write this?  Wouldn't it be funny if a shark monster tried to grab this girl at night but when she enters her room it is too foggy (for some reason) for the monster or the girl to see each other so the two walk around in circles just missing each other barely.  That is what happens, folks.  I kid you not.  You can see the immaturity or naivety of the makers who made SATURDAY.  I don't see how a script this pointless or unfunny could have been given the greenlight.

I guess if you look closely at the cover that the dracula on the cover is really just a really green dracula and not a dracula creature from the black lagoon.  But come on, folks.  At first glance that is what it exactly looks like.  I wish this movie was good.  I can't believe I actually remembered this movie from my childhood because I just watched the damn thing on DVD and I don't remember much at all.  Heaven help me, there is a sequel and I have seen it.

Jason

THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD! The 80's were the best.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is by far one of the greatest zombie movies ever made.  No zombie movie could ever duplicate the unique horror comic book style that this movie has.  As a zombie movie it defies zombie movie rule #1 which is KILL LOTS OF ZOMBIES.  Yet the movie is one of the greatest.  You can't kill these bastards.  Shooting them in the head doesn't work.  They also run and can think and talk.  That is not a good combination for our characters.  In fact there isn't a lot of people that could survive the situation our heroes face in THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD.  We would all die too......Well, I wouldn't.  I would be just fine.

This is a film that every person that plans to make horror movies should study.  It is so easy to not understand what makes this movie work.  Just watch THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD part 2 for an example of failure to understand.  What a lazy piece of crap.  Yes, ROTLD is a dark comedy but it is not a complete comedy.  The horrors in this film are genuine.  What makes this movie work is the characters.  Particularly the old warehouse keeper and his new employee.  Their antics in the hospital store supply warehouse are so interesting that you could make the whole movie about these two guys and not have any zombies whatsoever.  The horror element is a bonus.  Those two along with the coroner (who is a possible ex-Nazi) and Burt (Clu Gulager) walking around talking about cadavers and all the weird stuff in the warehouse would make a great little indie movie.  The punk teenagers there to die are fun too.  They just basically bitch around, party and look as 80's as possible.  Brings back memories it does.  The whole movie is just a bunch of people trapped in a couple of buildings surrounded by the undead until the army finds out and nukes them.  Of course this just makes things worse.

It is so creepy to have zombies talk.  They essentially are human with an uncontrollable need to eat brains.  (YOU HEAR THAT, NECROPOLIS AND RAVE FROM THE GRAVE!?!  They eat brains not flesh and organs!  Get it right, morons.)    I love the first zombie that rises from the grave.  It's just a complete skeleton with eyeballs.  It looks fake as hell but it adds a slight cartoonish aspect to the film.  This falls in line with the comic book element to the film.  Overall the zombies look different than zombies from other films.  They are a little more colorful.  Some are just completely decomposed with not much skin at all but others are brightly colored blue and yellow.  The naked chick zombie has a monster face with a jaw that hyper extends when it bites the tops of peoples heads.  They run too which hadn't happen (as far as I know) since NIGHTMARE CITY.   But the zombies in NIGHTMARE CITY used machine guns too. (The cheating bastards)  The only way to kill them is to completely burn them to ash.  Cut their heads off and they will still keep coming.  Cut their arms off and their arms will try to kill you.  Its all rather frustrating.  Its like playing Resident Evil 2 with just the knife.  IT SUCKS!

The sequels are all crap.  They suck on so many levels that it would take volumes to explain.  It hurts my face just to try and watch them.  Here we have one of the greatest horror movies ever made with the worst sequels ever made.  Not one single one of them is good but they show just how brilliant director Dan O'Bannon was.  It's not easy to make a zombie movie.  He took a terrible script and reworked it into a fun terrifying zombie movie.  He was one of the greats. 

Jason

CEMETERY MAN: DELLAMORTE, DELLAMORE

CEMETERY MAN is a fantasy/horror/black comedy that tells the story of Francesco Dellamorte and his troubles running a cemetery and dealing with life.  Also there are zombies.  This is a strange film indeed.  While I don't like to view films as metaphors on anything one can't help but notice how clever a metaphor on life CEMETERY MAN is.  Oddly enough its a metaphor on my life.  The troubles he has in finding love and making positive change in life mirrors a lot of what I have been through in the past.  I think many of us can relate to Francesco and his problems.  Well maybe not his zombie problems unless you live near an old folks home.

First off it's important to note that while zombies are prevalent throughout this film, CEMETERY MAN is not about zombies.  The movie doesn't explain why they rise from the dead after seven days or how.  There is no time spent trying to stop the zombies from taking over the world.  The cast of the film isn't boarded up in a house fighting zombies and getting their faces eaten off one by one.  No, CEMETERY MAN is about love.  Now before you go off and dismiss this film as pretentious art house bull-hockey let me just say that CEMETERY MAN follows zombie film rule #1.  Kill lots of zombies.  It does do that so don't get too uptight, gorehounds.  They are the "gotta shoot'em in the head" kind of zombies too.  My favorite.

Francesco Dellamorte is a good enough guy.  Just because his last name means death doesn't mean he is bad.  Maybe he is a little boring.  There isn't much to do when you live in a cemetery.  He keeps things as tidy as possible with the help of his sidekick Gnaghi (that's how they spell it on IMDB) who is somewhat of a dimwit (but not really).  When he isn't reading the phone book Francesco likes to keep the town safe from the undead that rise from the grave.  He has one friend he talks to over the phone and a little old lady that visits the cemetery every day.  But Francesco has a passion for love.  He is a romantic that just happens to be a nice guy.  So that is two strikes against him.  Romantic and nice.  Two things that are not appreciated by the woman folk nowadays.  Believe me I know.

Now if you are a douche bag that gets the ladies, gets the fast cars and refers to himself as "the Situation" then you probably won't like CEMETERY MAN.  This movie isn't for you.  No, this movie is for those of us who have loved deeply and would do anything for the one we love only to have reality smack us down and stomp on our faces until we have become cold and bitter people.  Francesco Dellamorte is a man who falls in love three times.  Every single time love falls apart or isn't exactly what it seemed.  Each woman is a different character but played by the same woman.  I don't know why.  Maybe it's because this film is pretentious art house bull-hockey.  Francesco is the kind of guy that would do anything for love.  The second girl that falls in love with him does so because she thinks he has no dick.  That's the rumor that the towns people started.  She is afraid of sex.  So Francesco tries to get a doctor to cut his "you know what" off.  At this point I in no way can relate to Francesco Dellamorte.  A man has to know his limitations (MAGNUM FORCE) and getting my "Johnson" cut off is mine.  What this shows though is how much he loves this woman.  He would give up sex for her.  The doctor is too squeamish and doesn't cut it off.  Later she comes back to break up with Francesco because (and get this) her boss raped her and now she is in love with him.  Kind of sick if you ask me.  Francesco definitely dodged a bullet there.  Next time maybe he won't be so melodramatic.

Francesco is a man caught in the middle.  He can neither go up nor down.  He is stuck tending to the dead.  When love no longer works he resorts to violence and goes around shooting people in the head because apparently the Grim Reaper told him to.  Basically Francesco is trying his best to destroy his life and escape his dead end job.  Expecting to be thrown in jail, Francesco discovers that his only friend that he talks to on the phone took the blame for the murders after murdering his own family.  With no other options Francesco leaves town with his sidekick Gnaghi (Seriously, folks. That's how they spell it IMDB).  They drive as far as they can until they reach the abyss.  There is nothing out there. There is no world to explore,  no other life to live but the one he is living right now.  For a lot of us that is so true.  We are stuck in our dead end jobs forced to do the same thing over and over again with little hope of finding something better until we die.  This is definitely a "the glass is half empty" kind of movie.

CEMETERY MAN is an early 90's film.  It was made right before everything became CGI cartoons.  The special effects are practical and amazing.  The director, Michele Soavi, has a great eye for detail.  His shots are beautifully framed turning a cemetery into a macabre wonderland of stone angels and tombstones.   The whole damn movie looks like a dream.  CEMETERY MAN is a movie no one has ever made before.  It's totally original.  The horror, the fantasy and the comedy blend together nicely to form a unique tone to the film.  Its a little dark at times but not too dark.  The fantasy element keeps the bloody violence from dominating the tone.  Its ugly but its also funny.  You don't take it seriously.  It's okay to laugh when that nun gets shot in the face. 

I would dare say that this is the second best zombie film ever made.  Only the original DAWN OF THE DEAD is better in my eyes but barely.  CEMETERY MAN is a fun watch.  It is one of those films that can open your mind to what can be done in a movie.  It forces you to think outside the box.  Not every zombie movie has to be about the zombies and how to deal with them or how to go from point "A" to point "B" through hordes of flesh eaters.  The zombies are a bonus.  There are different ways to interpret this film.  I have no idea what the meaning is behind most of the stuff that happens in this movie.  The ending especially is a little head scratching but its one of the best endings ever to a film.  I just happen to see a lot of myself in this film (not the homicidal parts of course).  Maybe you do too.  Hopefully you don't.  Check it out and see for yourself.  Love is not certain, death is.

Jason

THE LAST LOVECRAFT : RELIC OF CTHULHU

No, I didn't just accidentally sit on the keyboard when I was writing the title at the end there.  "Cthluhu" is a real word.  Its the name of a giant octopus alien that has arms and wings and extreme thoughts of self superiority.  Must...resist....topical.....Charlie Sheen joke...here....

THE LAST LOVECRAFT is about three nerds who save the world from sea monsters.  Just because you never heard of it doesn't make it a bad movie.  This movie is really quite good.  Its a small film with limited locations but the overall look of the picture seems bigger.  There are a couple of places near the beginning that kind of give you that "I'm watching RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK" feeling.  But in a good way and not "you ripped this off" way.  The movie mixes horror and humor perfectly together to form a new word called "horrumor".  Lets pretend I didn't just write that and move on.  I'm just saying that when it wants to be funny its funny (most of the time) and the horror element works too but doesn't take itself too seriously.

So a cult of fish faced people find part of a key that can open up a city under the ocean that contains Cthulhu who is a giant alien like I said before.  The movie explains the back story in comic book form which I thought was pretty cool.  The back story goes like this.  Cthulhu  came down from space millions of years ago during the time of the dinosaurs.  He wanted to make himself god over the earth.  Sadly, there was already another alien race of googly eyed slugs that were here first.  War broke out and eventually a giant asteroid came down and wiped out all the dinosaurs and forced Cthulhu back down into his underwater city.  The slug aliens hid out in the mountains now called THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS.  Cthulhu now waits for his followers to reunite two parts of a key that can release him from his underwater city.  A secret society that wants to protect the earth from Cthulhu has one part of the key which they give to one of the nerds because he is the last Lovecraft and only he is immune to the sea monsters' powers.  I don't know about you but the whole damn thing sounds like Scientology to me. 

Now I am not a nerd.  I am too busy snorting chicks and "banging" large piles of cocaine to get into all this Star-Wars-Lovecraft-Lord-of-the-Rings-Lazer-Tag talk.  I don't even know what "blogging" is.  But if you asked me, I think that this movie does the whole Lovecraft myths justice.  The horrors of the deep coming into our world are well displayed with extremely impressive practical make-up and creature effects.  The monsters aren't all computer generated.  They are realistic and kind of scary.  Cthulhu has a General who is after our heroes.  He is kind of a red-fish-faced-with-tentacles-Darth-Vader type.  He is a badass and for some reason he struts around in a t-shirt that features a drawing of a unicorn sporting two machine guns and looking at you like you better give a F@$K.  For some reason that just cracked me up.  Maybe you won't find that as funny as I did but then again I am stupid.  The special effects are great with some CGI here and there and big time at the finale but its not too bad. 

The only thing I feel like complaining about is how short the movie is.  It kind of ends rather quickly with very little build up.  There should have been more back story to our heroes just to see more of their antics and to pad out the time.  The movie does jump right into the action rather quickly.  Maybe the movie is just the right length but I was just too enthralled with all the excitement that I lost track of time.  I think that's a good sign the movie was good, don't you?  I do like how they jettison the whole love interest subplot which most movies like this always have.  Its too cliche and obvious.  Kudos to them for leaving it out.  Honorable mention goes to the sea captain in the desert and his first mate Gary.  Those are two funny people.  Watch the movie to find out why. 

If you love the literary works of H.P. Lovecraft then you should love this movie even more than I did.  Stop doing the whole L.A.R.P.ing thing and go out and buy this movie.  It needs a sequel.  As an added bonus this will give the studios the balls to green light Guillermo Del Toro's MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS movie or whatever it was he was working on.  You demand it.  I demand it.  The big green tentacle face jerkola at the bottom of the ocean demands it as well.  Go forth and buy this movie.  And while you are out there try not to get fish raped.  It sounds like an awful experience....Unless you are into that kind of thing......Perv.

Jason

FEEDING FRENZY!!!!

FEEDING FRENZY is a fun bloody mess of a good time.  Its about monster balls that run around and eat people.  As you probably already know FEEDING FRENZY is an homage to small creature, creature features like GREMLINS, CRITTERS and GHOULIES with a little bit of EVIL DEAD part 2 thrown in there for good measure.  While the movie feels more like GHOULIES because of its low budget it rises above into a much better film due to its humor and interesting characters.

FEEDING FRENZY shows us what makes a B-Movie great.  Humor.  There were a couple of times I missed what was going on because I was laughing so hard.  The Russian mail-order bride is one of the funniest characters I have ever seen.  You just have to hear the profanity coming out of her mouth to understand just how great her scene was.  She could have her own t.v. show and it would beat Dancing With The Stars and American Idol combined.  Carl is great too.  We need a movie just about him.  I wish I was more like him.  Despite the dire situation he just doesn't care.  If its not about him then who cares.  Wait!  I think that is exactly me.  Like SHAUN OF THE DEAD the characters are so interesting that there really is no need for the horror.  The horror is a bonus.  These Red Letter Media guys are great.  Be sure to watch the behind the scenes feature for more hilarity.  Those guys have a passion for film even if it is something stupid like bouncing balls with teeth that eat people.  Though they probably won't admit it, the film makers really strive and put a lot of effort into making a horror movie that entertains and rises above its meager budget.  Also the main actor (whatshisname) looks like Ethan Hawk.

I am really surprised that they didn't just go to some antique store and buy those Mad Balls we used to have back in the day.  Do you remember those?  They were these squishy balls that had ugly faces that were monstrous, stitched up or they had band aides or bandages over them.  Essentially they were kind of a rip-off of the Garbage Pail Kids only in ball form.  Don't let the simple designs of the monsters ruin your fun though.  They may not be great but even the makers know that.  They have fun with it and you should too. 

Being a part of the low budget horror movie scene (sort of) I know (sort of) how hard it is to get your film to actually look like a real movie. Tons of B-Movies are just some junk some friends got together to shoot thinking that people will forgive it for its many faults just because of the no budget.  Those films seem to be incoherent, sloppily edited, poorly shot, (sometimes with multiple cameras of different quality) insults to film making.  They don't take the time to iron out all the problems or invest effort into sound effects or music which are essential to a great film.  FEEDING FRENZY mostly succeeds in throwing off those chains and actually looks at times like a movie from the 80's.  The scenes in the hardware store are particularly well shot and I got the feeling they spent more time shooting them than the scenes that take place in other people's apartments.

I had a fun time watching FEEDING FRENZY.  This is a movie that everyone (who are into this kind of horror) will enjoy not just the film makers' friends and family.  My one major complaint though is that my favorite line from the trailer isn't in the film.  "Colon cancer gets more women than you do." Or something like that.  I hate it when they do that.  Maybe I was laughing too hard at one point and missed it.  I don't know.  I will have to watch it again soon to see if it is actually in there.  Gladly.

Buy it at redlettermedia.com.

Jason