Thursday, August 18, 2011


I will give you one guess as to what two movies this movie is not spoofing.  Seriously why would you call this movie SATURDAY THE 14TH STRIKES BACK when it has nothing to do with FRIDAY THE 13TH or THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK?  I like how the poster says "WARNING: THIS MOVIE STARTS WHERE THE OTHERS CHICKEN OUT"  That's cute since this movie DOESN'T EVEN START WHERE THE FIRST ONE ENDED!  It is also extremely disingenuis since this comedy is about as scary as an episode of PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE.  In fact this entire movie looks like an episode of PEE-WEE'S PLAYHOUSE.  Nice poster too, Morons.  Next time I produce a film I will insist that the poster is drawn and colored with crayons by a ten year old.

SATURDAY THE 14TH (sigh) STRIKES BACK is about a boy about to turn 16 and happens to be the Prince of Darkness or something.  Apparently the devil chose this kid to take his place when the kid turned 16.  The kid doesn't want to be evil though.  He is a good kid and doesn't want to destroy the world.  Man is this stupid.  What a completely uninteresting story.  There is this crack in the basement of the kid's house where evil monsters magically appear from.  They don't really kill anybody like the kids annoying relatives.  The monsters just hang around and do stupid stuff.  For instance the boy has a fat uncle played by the fat principle from BILLY MADISON who ends up magically having a submarine in his stomach.  The running gag is that he keeps making submarine sounds from his mouth as if there really is a submarine in his stomach which there is.  Folks, just trust me.  I am not making any of this up.  This is the humor we have to deal with.  This vampire chick shows up first in the boy's room and breaks out into a song about not liking to drink blood and wants to be good so she won't be a vampire anymore.  I didn't know this was going to be a musical and neither does this movie because this movie only has one other song number.  Obviously when they were filming this movie there was a script change because all of the sudden the vampire chick is evil and wants the boy to take the devil's throne.  The whole movie is a mess.  By the way, the second song number involves the main character running through a miniature golf course being chased by monsters.  Bravo.....

MY FAVORITE MARTIAN is in this movie too.  I don't know why.  He could do so much better.  I guess everyone needs to work every now and again.  He is the boy's grandpa but not really.  He is a wizard that helps the kid make the right decisions.  Ugh!  It is so painful to write this crap.  It's so stupid.  Why would the devil choose some nice kid to be his heir.  Why not some kid who puts cats in microwaves and thinks THE MISFITS play better songs than JEM?  Wouldn't that make more since than some boy scout.

Every attempt at humor is an embarrasing failure.  Why does the mom serve meals that are nothing but junk food?  Is that suppose to be funny?  WTF!?!  While watching this movie I felt embarrassed for everyone that was in this movie.  Remember in BILLY MADISON when Billy breaks out into song from out of nowhere.  The film suddenly becomes embarrassing to watch especially when you are watching it with your friends?  For a moment everything becomes really awkward and uncomfortable and you immediately disown the film for a brief time as to not let your friends think you were uncool.  That uncomfortable feeling is what you experience the whole time you watch SATURDAY THE 14TH (sigh) STRIKES BACK.  Avoid it as if your life depended on it.  Were they trying to make a children's film?  There is so much of this movie I just don't get.  How can the guys that made this film not know what a spoof is?  Thanks for the pain, idiots.


1 comment:

  1. jason,

    your stuff should be there soon... tuesday or wednesday... look for the little gift, inside the gift.