TRAIN TO BUSAN is a thrill ride you need to catch!

The zombie genre is a funny thing.  The concept of the dead coming to life to feast on the living has been done to redundancy.  Every possible idea has been thoroughly explored on the big and small screen.  Ever since the first RESIDENT EVIL movie came out back in the olden days of 2002 there has been a nonstop wave of zombie films of all ranges of quality.  Some good.  Most bad.  Just when you think the genre is being laid to rest, another clever, well made movie or show comes out and inspires a whole new generation of movie makers to go out and make their own cheap knock-off.  SHAUN OF THE DEAD or THE WALKING DEAD are great examples of this phenomenon.  Now the WALKING DEAD's ratings are slipping. All the newly made zombie films are not getting bought up in film markets.  If they are lucky they might end up on Chiller T.V. or the SYFY Channel.  Yet just when you think the movement is over, here comes TRAIN TO BUSAN to reanimate the whole genre once again.  I don't care.  I like zombie movies and I really liked TRAIN TO BUSAN.  Even though I am a die hard fan of zombie movies, I think even the most casual fan of horror or movies in general will like this movie.  It is a bit unique.

The movie is about a father who is taking his daughter to visit his mother via the train to Busan.  He is a man consumed with work which has resulted in a failed marriage and a daughter who can't stand to be with him.  After getting on the train, however. zombies happen and now he is fighting along with the other passengers to survive and make it to Busan, possibly the only city on the route that is safe.

With its sharp focused shots, smooth camera movement and brightly lit and colorful cinematography TRAIN TO BUSAN stomps the trend of ugly and bland looking horror movies.  The subject matter might be grim but the film doesn't have to look it.  The result is that TRAIN is energized with life.  The film moves fast from scary moment to scary moment.  The characters are alive revealing who they are through their actions throughout the film.  The zombie thrills are spontaneous making it almost impossible to predict when the next attack will happen.  It is an exciting film through and through bolstered by the audience fear that their favorite characters might die.  You are going to care and have the 'feels' for these people.  Everyone is motivated by something whether it is the fear of dying or fear of the one you love meeting the horrible fate of being a chew toy for the undead.

The movie feels more like a disaster movie than a straight up horror film.  It is more about the characters surviving a cataclysmic event more than showing a bunch of gore and gross stuff usually associated with the genre.  The zombies are treated more like a natural disaster reserving them for the road blocks that our heroes need to either run from or come up with some desperate way to get past.  The movie is about surviving, not figuring what happened and trying to stop it.

TRAIN TO BUSAN's zombies are of the WORLD WAR Z variety.  They are fast moving, with the ability to jump somewhat, and seem to be motivated by the desire to spread the zombie plague rather than eat people for their flesh or brains.  People are treated like chew toys spit out before they can be torn apart allowing them to become fast moving double jointed zombies too.  It is rather mesmerizing to watch a character turn.  They kind of do some erratic Break Dance moves complete with the cracking sound of bones before going all grey eyed as they succumb to Zombitis.  They are scary screaming freaks that swarm like army ants.  Also it doesn't help that nobody has any guns.  That means when you are on a train full of undead crazies you are going to have to punch, kick, wrestle and use anything you can find to fend off the attackers.  They make killing zombies look so easy in THE WALKING DEAD, don't they?

Let me tell you my favorite part of the movie.  It is near the very beginning before all Armageddon breaks loose.  We are introduced to the real world troubles of a father trying to ineptly form a bond with his daughter who wants nothing to do with him.  When he is driving her to the train mentioned in the movie's title it is completely uneventful.  The quiet of a sleeping city is broken by the sounds of roaring sirens heading to a building on fire out in the distance.  We, as the audience, know that all hell is breaking loose all around them but the chaos has not yet broken their little bubble of what is left of their former lives.  They are unaware that they are running in a race of life and death as slowly as possible.  Even when boarding the train all the passengers do not realize the danger biting at their heals.  The tension is immense.  You just want everyone to get on that train as fast as possible and get the heck out of there!  Move, people!  Really great zombie movies have these wonderful calm before the storm moments.

TRAIN TO BUSAN isn't SNAKES ON A PLANE.  This is a zombie movie that you can't help but get emotionally involved.  It's funny at times.  It is heartbreaking at times but always exciting.  If this movie was made in America it would be treated as just another exploitation movie and given the obvious title of ZOMBIES ON THE TRAIN or LOCOMOTIVE OF THE DEAD or some other stupid title that is just a knock-off of a much more successful franchise in the genre.  No doubt there will be a North American remake starring Mark Wahlberg.  Ugh....


Jason

THE NEON DEAD is worth a look.

When it comes to low budget movies made by people who actually care about film I am very forgiving.  Low budget films obviously have more challenges and obstacles to overcome to get made and shown in the public eye.  I am a big believer in art through adversity.  The challenge and limitations from the lack of money and resources can inspire wonderful results.  THE EVIL DEAD is a terrific example of this.  I am always looking to low budget films for inspiration since I myself am part of the world of no budget film making.  I want more people to know about the good ones and get motivated to support these films and maybe make their own.  I am looking for horror movies that are not homages or at least influenced by THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE.  I like that film but it has been too big of an influence on many horror films in the last 20 years or so.  There are so many horror film makers that seek to out shock that classic movie through the on screen suffering of characters that a new genre of horror was created.  Torture Porn.  You can't count the number of horror movies whose plot summary is about a group of young teens and twenty-somethings who go out to the middle of nowhere and become the victims of a crazed cannibal inbred family of yahoos.  I bet there are more movies about crazed cannibal inbred families than there are about Dracula and Frankenstein combined.  People looking for new ideas to be inspired by to create new kinds of horror need to limit their intake of such films unless they just like that kind of film.  I myself like the WRONG TURN movies for some reason.  But if you are looking for something new and different I would recommend THE NEON DEAD.

When Allison discovers a violent ghost in her house she calls Desmond and Jake, an amateur paranormal exterminating duo, to find out what is going on in her house.  The investigation leads our two ghost fighters to uncover the bigger problem of an interstellar demon trying to get to earth and destroy all life as we know it.

What I love is THE NEON DEAD's ambition.  This a small movie with big special effects designed to make this movie look and feel different than so many other horror films.  THE NEON DEAD has zombies but these zombies glowy grey eyes and are painted in grey that look like they would glow in black light.  The zombies actually side with our heroes and fight these robed undead wizards (At least I think they were the wizards.) that look like the Blind Dead but with glowing red eyes.  The zombies are used differently.  They aren't just stumbling around looking for brains or living flesh to eat.  That is part of the charm of THE NEON DEAD.  The creators are using old horror elements and doing something more with them.  I love the interstellar demon-thingy that is brought to life through the magic of stop-motion.  They don't just show it once or twice either.  There is a whole sword fight with it that is rather spectacular for a film like this.

The film has a lot of color to it.  Color is used to emphasize the supernatural world clouding the normal world we live in.  I like bold color in my fantasy horror films.  Films like this are eye candy and candy should be colorful.  Horror doesn't have to always be bland and ugly.  Bland tends to be forgettable and THE NEON DEAD is not forgettable.

At 120 minutes run time I will say that THE NEON DEAD is way too long.  There is a lot of story here that really could be trimmed down.  The script itself needed to be tighter focusing on the relationship between the main trio of Allison, Desmond and Jake.  Their newly formed friendship needs to be the foundation of the film.  They do try to do this but because there is so much going on with the details of the story that the characters never fully develop believable growth.  The film has too much talk.  Too much explanation.  NEON has a lot going on and the film feels the need to explain it all.  Its not necessary.  The result is that the film is kind of a slog to get through.  It is very unfortunate and will turn many people off from the film.  There is a lot of talent behind and in front of the camera that people should take notice of.

The other problem with the film is its lack of imagination with it's choice of camera angles.  Of course this is because of the limit of budget but even the dialogue scenes are mostly shot reverse shot in close ups and mediums with little change.  This confines the visual scope of the film adding to the film feeling slow even though there are a lot of different locations.  However, there are some good camera movement at times too especially with the sword fight that has the camera following smoothly around the actors capturing the excitement of the fight in every detail.

I recommend THE NEON DEAD.  You can learn what to and not to do with your next film.  You can tell that the makers love the horror genre and want to make something that stands out from the rest.  Be sure to stay to the very end for the stinger for the potential sequel.  I hope there is one.  I like what they are trying to do even if it isn't fully successful.  I want to know who that mummy guy was.  Don't know who I am talking about?  You are just going to have to see the film for yourself.

Jason

THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING

THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING is probably the best title for a zombie movie ever.  This low budget nod to Italian zombie movies is a fun creative exercise into the genre that also expresses a love for the making of horror movies as well.  I think it is one of the better zombie films ever made and deserves a little more recognition.

Some young twenty-somethings are trying to film a zombie movie in an abandoned hospital.  They discover a strange evil looking Coffin-machine-thingy in the basement complete with a dead body of some guy who looks like he really really loved Rob Zombie.  Figuring that it would make a great prop David the director incorporates the machine into the movie.  They turn the machine on while filming which brings the dead body back to life as well as a few other zombies which go out and seek all the crew members.  The survivors discover that the hospital is in some kind of purgatory with an army of undead surrounding the entire building.  Now those who survived have to figure what is happening, how to survive and make things normal again.

Even though THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING is all about zombies and death the cast is rather lively with memorable likable characters.  Special kudos goes to the characters David the director and Paul the Special Effects artist who regularly talk about horror movie actors like David Warbeck, Bruce Campbell and Dick Miller throughout the film.  In fact there are all kinds of nods and winks if you pay attention.  Did I see the puzzle box thingy from HELLRAISER?  Is that STAB movie poster torn in half because there is a half torn THE HILLS HAVE EYES poster looming in the background in EVIL DEAD?  Are the makers of THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING telling the audience that their film is twice as scary as a film that doesn't exist?  What does that mean?  Was that guy in the convenience store reading Fangoria?  I like references to other horror movies in my horror movies as long as they don't over do it.  The ending itself is a cute little homage to THE BEYOND.

The creative level of this film is extremely high.  The dialogue for the most part is very clever and funny when it wants to be.  The film moves quickly never leaving a dull moment to be bored by which is an amazing feat for a movie like this.  The designs of the main zombies are iconic and leave a lasting impression.  The zombie on the poster shows the higher standard in their design.  Very unique.  They are more like monsters than usual standard of slow moving zombies even though those kinds of undead are present as well.  It is a nice mixture.  When a zombie actor dies and is brought back his look has the visual characteristics of the zombie make up that was applied when they were alive.  If a zombie actor had makeup that made it look like he had an exposed brain then when he becomes a zombie he really has an exposed brain.  I thought that was funny.  There is just more thought put into every aspect of this film and we are given a lot to look at and appreciate.

Being that this is a horror film and on a low budget there is of course some things you are just going to have to forgive.  Thankfully those moments are few and far between.  I think there are some plot holes concerning the overall predicament our renegade filmmakers find themselves in.  At the beginning of the movie we see the Rob Zombie lookalike talking into a camera and he is then killed by a rather large zombie.  When our heroes are in the hospital there are no zombies anywhere.  Where did they go?  Did they put the Rob Zombie guy into the Coffin machine thingy?  There is a great little moment when an actor dressed like a zombie is killed by a real zombie.  At first the real zombie is confused but then he sniffs the actor and can tell he is alive by the way he smells.  Later David and Paul put on zombie makeup to fool a small crowd of zombies without being detected.  Its a cool moment but I couldn't help but wonder why the other zombies can't just smell the two not dead guys like the other zombie.  Also there is a bad CGI fire effect at the film's climax that the camera doesn't even try to shy away from.  The cartoon flames don't ruin the film or anything it is just a small moment that is out of place with the excellent practical effects the movie mostly consists of.

I am not sure why David and Paul think David Warbeck is such a great zombie killer.  I saw THE BEYOND.  Warbeck's character kills like maybe five zombies at the end of that movie.  Those zombies inched at them slowly.  Being that Warbeck is in an Italian zombie movie he is required to waste a few of his limited shots into the torsos of the undead before shooting them in the head even though he knows that shooting them in the head is the only way of killing them.

From the overall atmosphere, to the spirited characters and monster designs THE DEAD HATE THE LIVING gives you a lot to look at.  The dead may hate the living but those who love zombie movies and try to watch every single one should find nothing to hate in this overlooked blood and guts zombie opus.

Jason

REZISTANCE

REZISTANCE is a fun romp through some familiar zombie territory.  The story is about a small group of survivors trying to survive the zombie epidemic that has recently been released upon the world.  We have  a great little group of characters though.  We have a badass biker looking for his wife, a brother and sister who are just trying to survive, a kung-fu girl and a cop who thinks he knows what is going on with these undead shenanigans.  They must work together to stop the source of the zombie outbreak.


Director Mark Colombo has put together a great film for his debut feature.  It mixes the 'Grindhouse' look with the 'Comic Book' style rather creatively.  I am surprised no one else had thought of that.  Sometimes the film quality will get scratchy and worn out and then cut to comic book panels to bring us to the next scene.  The movie doesn't take itself too seriously but it does have a story to tell focusing on the relationship between brother and sister.  You have the two main characters who are brother and sister in contrast with the cop and his sister who maybe responsible for raising the dead with black magic.  The cop who is a badass wants nothing more to have his sister back who he believes he lost along time ago to a dark amulet she found in a cave when they were kids.  One brother tries to save his sister while the other may have to destroy his.

I love that there is a supernatural reason to the zombie outbreak.  I hate the word 'virus'.  It is too often used in horror movies.  I like a fantasy element to my horror sometimes like in the olden days of classic Hammer films.  That is another reason why REZISTANCE stands out from all the other zombie movies that have come out in the last few years.  Even at the end when all is said and done we are shown a little surprise with the undead that hasn't been done before.  I won't spoil it but I thought it was rather clever.  It couldn't have been done if the zombies were nothing more than the result of a boring old virus.

This film looks like a community effort with lots of extras to play zombies and local businesses using their places for settings.  I love that.  This movie moves about with many locations.  This isn't one of those movies where the entire story takes place in one or two locations.  It looks like everyone had a great time.  Even Hacksaw Jim Duggan makes a surprise appearance to add more awesome to the mix!  Mark Colombo wore many hats in the making of this film being not just the director but the cinematographer, producer, co-writer and actor as well.  He actually is the funniest part of the film with him and a buddy preparing for the zombie apocalypse adding alcohol and guns together.  Whoops!

A sequel to this would be great.  I would love it if the biker was roaming the country on his bike still looking for his wife and fighting vampires along the way.  He and the cop could team up once again to fight a different kind of undead with the help of the kung-fu girl and maybe Hacksaw too.  The movie could be called I HUNT DRACULAS!  Think about it!

It is a low budget film so like I always say there are things to forgive.  But if you love independent horror films that have fun and not try to bore the audience with excessive scenes of pain and suffering and nihilism then I suggest you give this film a try.  I always enjoy seeing what other film makers can do without the big budgets of Hollywood.  The great ones like REZISTANCE do not let the budget limit what they can do.  That is a hard challenge to overcome and should be appreciated.  Watch it for Halloween!


Jason

RYUHEI KITAMURA'S VERSUS: These zombies use guns and know kung-fu!

VERSUS is a hyper-kinetic, ultra-violent, low budget kung-fu, Yakuza vs. zombies masterpiece.  The movie makes no sense for the most part but you would hardly notice with all the body parts flying around.  The movie is sleek and cool with precision camera movements.  There are fights and gore galore with very little boring romance to get in the way.  If you like gun fights, sword fights and fist fights with zombies and mobsters involved then VERSUS is the movie for you.

So there is a Forest of Resurrection where a small group of Yakuza have brought a newly escaped prisoner and a young woman for some unknown purpose.  They wait for the boss to show up but things get complicated when they discover that the dead are coming back to life and our hero the prisoner escapes with the young girl.  The bad guys follow but realize that they bury a lot of their victims here so they got to deal with that too.  Worse yet these zombies can use guns.  Whoops.  When the boss shows up he wants to fight the prisoner to the death to open some portal to the netherworld where he will become all powerful.....probably.  The movie is very vague about the details of what is going on.  All you need to know is that the prisoner is "good" and the boss is "evil" and they have to fight each other every so often in different lives.

VERSUS is a low budget but it is hard to tell because it is so well filmed with it's elaborate fight sequences and shots.  The fighting is perfectly framed and thrilling to follow.  The movie cuts corners with it special effects by using the editing process to it's advantage.  A bad guy can appear and reappear without the use of digital effects by simply showing a person's reaction to someone disappearing before their very eyes and find them in the same shot.  Director Ryuhei Kitamura is a genius with this and the rest of his directing style.  The camera moves quick but precise capturing the important moments of motion to generate his hyperactive visuals.  You get so much of what is going on with the action with being shown so little.  There was a lot of thought put into each shot of the film.

The movie is far from perfect.  To be honest the story seems to make itself up as it goes.  There is a certain ritual that must be performed through a series of events which leads up to a final battle between good and evil.  The evil boss performs part of the ritual but nothing happens and he is stunned but then he goes about himself like he knew it all along.  Why go through the hassle of performing a ritual that you know won't work then act like you are surprised that it didn't and then say that you knew it all along?  You have to see it for yourselves to get the full gist of what I am saying.  Now I am being vague.  Also this is a movie about people fighting in a forest for two hours.  Does the movie really need to be two hours?  These are small gripes though.

If you do watch the film then I would recommend the UNRATED cut and not the R version or the UNRATED DIRECTORS CUT WITH NEW FOOTAGE FILMED AND INSERTED INTO THE MOVIE JUST LIKE GEORGE LUCAS DID WITH THE STAR WARS version.  Its not worth seeing what was added in.  The new shots stick out like a sore thumb and it makes what is already an overly long film even longer than necessary.  The new footage is impressive with new fights but really it is not needed.

With the film performing a 180 on the audience with it's characters this film screams for a sequel but if it hasn't happened by now it probably won't.  Shucks....


Jason

RagnBone's WHITE ZOMBIE (Screener)

RagNBones has taken on the ambitious task of re-imagining the Bela Lugoisi film WHITE ZOMBIE.  The original WHITE ZOMBIE is one of those films I have seen a hundred times yet I remember almost nothing about it but the fact that Bela Lugoisi is in it.  It is one of those films I have playing on the t.v. in the background every Halloween morning but I never just sit down and watch it.  I don't know why I do that.  RagnBone Productions was nice enough to send me a screener of their version of WHITE ZOMBIE.  Thank you so very much!

Madeline White and her fiance, Neil Bellamy plan to marry each other on a plantation on ZOMBIE ISLAND!  Actually it is not called 'ZOMBIE ISLAND' but that is what I call it because there are zombies everywhere.  The plantation owner, Gillies Beaumonde has convinced Madeline to come to his plantation for the wedding to try and convince her to fall in love with him.  Beaumonde will do anything to win her over including associating himself with Severin the local evil voodoo practitioner who everyone strongly dislikes because he is weird.....and I guess because he is evil.  With Severin's aid, Beaumonde poisons Madeline on her wedding day causing her to seemingly die.  With the powers of voodoo she is brought back from the dead becoming the prize of three men competing to have her for themselves.  While Beaumonde was planning on screwing Neil out of a bride, Severin was planning on screwing Beaumonde out of a bride and all his wealth.

Scarlett Shepard is absolutely iconic as Madeline White.  She is beautiful with a gleam of grace that summons images of classic Hollywood starlets from the golden age of cinema.  Her costuming is perfect.  The bridal dress she wears is elaborate and short making it almost resemble a ballerina's silver and white tutu worn for the grand production of SWAN LAKE.  That is rather appropriate since two of the antagonists in this movie have her dance around (Figuratively speaking, of course.) for their amusement.

The movie moves about from the three main characters, Neil, Beaumonde and Severin as they each do what they have to to get what they want.  Even though Severin is the main baddy with the coolest look and spookiest presence I like Beaumonde's character the most.  He has the biggest character transition in the film.  I single him out as the main character in the film.  A great deal of the film is focused on his plight to win the girl no matter the cost.  He learns the hard way that women are not objects and voodoo is not to be messed with unless of course its that hilarious WEEKEND AT BERNIES II kind of voodoo.

RagnBone's WHITE ZOMBIE presents a world bathed in night with zombies casually moving about aimlessly in the island cemeteries.  Voodoo is a way of life here and zombies are a common sight.  This world is brought to life through higher production levels and aided by some creative camera work.  The costumes look authentic especially when they are worn by great actors who come to life in them.  I particularly like Tom Smith as Dr. Bruner.  He looks  a lot different from that crazy cannibalistic yahoo dad he played in THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS.  What a transformation!  That is the complement of a great actor.  In WHITE ZOMBIE he looks like he is from that time period.

Even though this is a low budget film it doesn't feel like it.  Like all low budget films there are things to forgive but if you like independent film and want to see what great things other film makers are doing out there who care about the craft and want to tell a good story then I suggest you watch RagnBone's WHITE ZOMBIE.

Jason

CHANBARA BEAUTY: THE MOVIE-VORTEX

CHANBARA BEAUTY: THE MOVIE-VORTEX has no nudity.  I know that is the first thing you would be wondering so I just thought I would get that little fact out of the way.  This is a video game movie that apparently is a remake of the ONECHANBARA movie.  It is not a sequel.  I guess someone saw ONECHANBARA and decided that they could make the same movie only with less story and more shots of fake cartoon blood splattering the camera lens.

Aya (Yu Tejima) is a bikini wearing, double-samurai sword wielding cowgirl that roams the zombie filled wastelands with her step-sister Saki killing the undead because they haven't got anything better to do.  This woman shows up and says her name is Misery and she can help find the evil woman, Homiko (I think that was her name) who is responsible for all the zombie nonsense going on.  Turns out Misery is actually Homiko and she needed help (supposedly) kidnapping some little girl who has special blood.  Saki betrays Aya and helps Homiko with the promise that Homiko can bring back her dead parents.

You would think that a movie about a bikini wearing, double samurai sword wielding cowgirl would be an extremely entertaining movie with extremely striking visuals.  Sadly  CHANBARA BEAUTY: THE MOVIE-VORTEX is nothing but an eye sore.  Every aspect of this film seems like a step down from the original with the exception of Yu Tejima playing the new Aya.  Visually CHANBARA is uglier than the first.  Every set is the same as the last.  The barely there story wades through from scene to scene with little change in the scenery.  It looks like the whole movie was filmed in the same abandoned school/warehouse/apartement building.  It is all bland, bleak, boring and uninspired.  The visual effects are just a bunch of bright computer blurs and distortions that add little energy to a movie that is about two people walking from point A to point B.

At times the fight scenes begin to muster some enthusiasm for the film.  Aya kicking zombie butt is a blast at first but they keep throwing blood at the screen over and over again to the point that you never ever want to see another movie that does that particular gag ever again.  The end fight between Aya and Homiko is repetitious  at best and doesn't seem to want to ever end.  The fight scenes never quite hit the hyper kinetic energy you get from a really good Japanese action film.  A few good examples of one that succeed in that are VERSUS, DEATH TRANCE and the HARD REVENGE MILLY movies.

CHANBARA BEAUTY WHATEVER is at best a forgettable film.  How ironic.  I don't believe the choices made on every level of production were correct.  It would be nice if they had a solid interesting story that had some heart to it.  At least the original made you care for the characters which is a strange thing to say about a movie with an obviously silly premise.  There is this really hot gun toting woman who you would think would help Aya like she did in the first one but instead the choice was made to make this annoying guy who does nothing but annoy and not get killed (when clearly he did get eaten by a bunch of zombies but he shows up and acts like it is no big deal) be Aya's tag along.  He is the film's Jar-Jar.

I think the guys who made this movie didn't care about anything except the attractiveness of the lead character.  Everything else production-wise was added in as an after thought.  If you have a fetish for Japanese women in bikinis and cowboy hats fighting zombies with their double samurai swords then this is the movie for you.  But I will assure you that after watching CHANBARA BEAUTY: THE MOVIE-VORTEX you will have that fetish no longer.  Though not the worst or the most tasteless this movie should have been at least memorable.  Maybe the next remake will be better.  Hope for a remake, folks because a sequel to this movie would be a flashy, fake blood on the screen with a giant glowing "X" across the screen soul sucking blandfest.

Jason

SLASHERS GONE WILD is unwatchable.....BUT I WATCHED IT ANYWAYS!

SLASHERS GONE WILD is not a very good movie.  In fact I am not sure it is really a movie at all.  What we have here looks more like a collection of kids in bad generic slasher costumes acting like Pro-Wrestlers in their backyard for a rejected cable access show trying so hard to be horrific and funny but being too adolescent to understand how to do either.  The "movie" is one long ugly smear across the t.v. screen that goes on and on and on never developing into anything remotely resembling a movie.  SLASHERS GONE WILD tries to have fun with the slasher genre.  I appreciate that.  The problem is every possible concept, visual, and story element is so poorly conceived and thought out that it makes you wonder what were they thinking  I don't think they were.  By the way I don't think that two of the three slashers on the DVD cover are even in the film.  Who the heck are they?  I could be wrong though.  This "film" hurt my eyes a lot so it was hard to tell who was who sometimes.
 
There is no plot or story to SLASHERS GONE WILD.  Yes, it does try to tell a story but it is kind of hard to do so when you have no script and it is painfully obvious that there was no script.  Almost every scene is just some guy who is suppose to be a slasher stabbing, cutting, mutilating or whatever some person tied down to a chair, table or couch.  This collection of scenes become more and more irritating as the film goes on because you realize that THIS is how the whole "movie: is going to be and none of it makes sense.  Here is the premise.  A reporter is in a room and starts investigating a website where slashers compete (by sending videos of themselves killing people I presume) to join a business of some sort that is nothing but slashers who kill people who pollute the environment.  The winner gets to join the club and receives pills that make them a super unstoppable Jason Vorhees like killer.  Problem is you don't see the slashers compete on some show where they are running around killing hapless victims which would be a great idea.  No, instead we just see guys with victims tied to objects cutting on their victims while ad libbing mostly audible lines and laughing after every word they say.  It is really annoying. 

You can see that the makers of SLASHERS GONE WILD missed the point as to what a slasher is.  They only understand recognizable cliched iconic visual trademarks like hockey masks, chainsaws, blood and intestines.  They only grasp the lower common denominator of what a slasher is.  A slasher has a reason for what they do.  They stalk and chase.  The really good slasher films of the past had likable characters that you root for or if you hated them root against.  Those films mixed cheap thrills with often spooky moods and haunting atmosphere.  I guess SLASHERS GONE WILD didn't have the budget for atmosphere.  Remember how awesome the original BLACK CHRISTMAS was?  The killer in that didn't even wear a mask AND it wasn't that bloody compared to most.

The strange thing about this "film" was that it wasn't the big problems like the nonexistent story, horrible VHS quality video, out of sync sound or even the annoying characters and monotonous pace that bothered me the most.  It was the small things.  I got the impression that this whole fiasco was super rushed with no thought to anything that they were doing.  It is like they filmed a bunch of horror themed skits, slapped them together when they realized that together there was a long enough run time to qualify as a movie and put them on a sleek looking DVD trying to trick people into thinking this was a genuine movie.  For instance there is a character named Loonitic.  See how they purposefully changed the 'U' in 'Lunatic' to 'OO' in an attempt to be clever?  Do you think they meant to change the 'A' into an 'I' as well?  I don't think so.  Loonitic likes to tie people up and play Truth or Dare and if they don't get the question right he kills them and if they do answer correctly he kills them anyway.  Wait a minute.  How do you get a question wrong in Truth or Dare?  Last time I checked Truth or Dare is when you ask someone to tell a truth about them not some random impossible math question that nobody would ever get the right answer to.  It's not suppose to be 20 Questions.  Also the motto or whatever to the slashers club is POLLUTE OR DEATH?  I am not asking a question.  There is a question mark at the end of their motto.  Shouldn't it be POLLUTE OR DIE with no question mark?  It is little annoyances that indicate that there was no effort put into anything in this "movie".

At the end of SLASHERS GONE WILD words appear threatening a sequel.  I looked it up and found that they have a Indieagogo or Kickstarter campaign going.  I honestly wish them success even though it seemed like they were intentionally trying to kill me with this "film".  I know that sounds strange coming from some jerk on the Internet who just trashed the "film" but I don't like wishing ill will on any film maker.  Uwe Boll being the exception of course.  I just hope they grow as film makers and realize that TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE isn't the only horror movie around.  Everybody rips off TCM and that isn't even that gory of a film either.  Gore isn't horror.  Gore is just gross.

Oh, and the special effects belong in the 'Not So Special' effects category.  Just sayin...

Jason

WARM BODIES: A zombie movie for girls....and this guy.

WARM BODIES is the story of Romeo and Juliet with zombies and people instead the Capulets and the Montagues.  I can't think of any zombie movies where the main character was a shambling incoherent rotting corpse.  That is really cool.  Nicholas Hoult plays a zombie named R who is looking for more in his undead existence than just walking around and eating people.  Things begin to change however when he sees Julie for the first time.  Julie is not a zombie.  She is very much alive but instead of wanting to eat her R falls in love with her.  For some reason she is able to make him feel something for the first time in a long time.  R brings it on himself to protect Julie played by Teresa Palmer from his fellow undead zombies and some skeleton people.

There is a reason why WARM BODIES was previewed in front of BREAKING DAWN part 2 and that is because there really isn't a whole lot that happens in this movie.  That is not to say that WARM BODIES is a bad film.  Quite the contrary.  It is just that this is a romantic comedy, so a good portion of this film is solely focused on the relationship building between R and Julie.  That is the whole reason to watch a film like this in the first place.  And while Nicholas is a very likable zombie he is still a zombie.  The whole plot about R having a hard time trying to get this girl to like him because he is dead kind of gets old.  The film can't help but drag a bit.  WARM BODIES doesn't give you the high energy the trailer promises.  Some of that I believe is due to not using the music more effectively in the film and the writing overall could have been smarter.  Still WARM BODIES is a good film.  It just isn't a great film.

It is nice to see that this isn't a typical boring zombie movie that is bleak and depressing and comes to the same 'zombies take over everything' conclusion that most movies in this category subscribe to.  WARM BODIES gets better and better as the story develops.  We are introduced to neat concepts like eating brains gives zombies the memories of their victims which helps R feel and relate to Julie.  Zombies don't dream because they don't fall asleep so it is exciting to see R have his first dream.  I like how R's love for Julie reminds other zombies on how to live again and that spreads to other zombies bringing them back to life and such.  In the end it is nice to see everything ending on a positive rather than a negative.  WARM BODIES tells a story and ends a story.  It doesn't do that whole leaving it open for a sequel crap.

Even though it could have been better WARM BODIES is still a stand out film for this year due to some creative concepts and positive vibe.  Maybe it is a little to 'TWILIGHT-ish" in a couple of places but it isn't too noticeable.  At one point I did think that Teresa Palmer looked a little too much like Kristen Stewart.  There is just something about her face that is all.  It was just one moment though that quickly passed.  There is also a scene where Julie and her ex-boyfriend are lying in a field looking up at clouds and stuff.  It wouldn't be a romantic movie without that scene, I guess.  I wouldn't really know.  I don't watch too many romance movies.  But if you like romantic comedies and looking for something different then I recommend WARM BODIES.  If you are looking for blood and guts and depressing visions of the future and mankind watch this movie anyways.  It will help your outlook on life.  The characters in WARM BODIES can be looked upon as the various emotional states people get into when dealing with their feelings and love.  But I am a guy and I don't like to get all mushy-gooshy with that stuff.  See it for yourselves and come up with your own conclusions.  Don't take my word for it.  I am just some guy with nothing better to do than write about a rather unique 'chick flick'.  Enjoy.


Jason

THE VIDEO DEAD: I think this movie tried to kill me.

In THE VIDEO DEAD everything is dead.  The story starts off promising then dies about ten minutes in without any hope of resuscitation.  The acting was horribly eccentric and forced like bad community actors in a play written and directed by a five year old.  I can't believe all these people were that bad as actors.  They all had to have gone to Bad Acting Classes or something.  Nobody can be that bad and not that many people all at once.  It was more than a handsome old man such as myself could handle.  I don't think the actors were intentionally trying to kill me with their poor acting skills but the director may have with all his awkward close ups capturing every forced unbelievable expression on their generic faces.

All the characters are about as interesting as a box of Post-It notes.  In fact by the end of the movie you will hate them and rejoice in their demise knowing that with every death the movie slugs along closer and closer to its sure to be unimpressive finale.  I was always curious about this film back in the day when I was a kid.  It was one of those VHS covers that always caught my eye but never did I rent it.  Too scary.  Finally after twenty years I watched the damnable thing.  It sucked.  In fact THE VIDEO DEAD sucked so bad I'm pretty sure it took years off my life.  Well it was nice knowing you folks.

THE VIDEO DEAD is not one of the worst movies ever made.  There are worse.  I think the reason why I am so mad at this film is because there is an extremely creative concept that stands as the foundation of this movie.  But that is the only good thing.  Everything built on top of that foundation is pure crapola.  That is one big house made of poop.  At the beginning of the movie this spooky old crate is accidentally delivered to the wrong house.  The guy inside reluctantly accepts the crate, opens it and discovers a television set inside.  He turns it on and can only get one channel that is playing an old black and white zombie movie.  So he turns it off and goes to bed.  But the t.v. doesn't stay off and the zombies in the movie emerge from the t.v. and kill the guy.  So far so good.  Three months pass and a new family moves into the house.  Only the family's two college age kids are there while the parents are out of the country for awhile.  Once I saw that these two bad actors were going to be the main characters I immediately felt the interest that I had for so many years instantly dissolve within my being.  By the way I assume that the zombies were just standing around in a nearby forrest for three months instead of going around killing people until it was convient for the story.  At least that is what the movie implies.

The concept of zombies rising out of a cursed t.v. is so cool.  Its the kind of thing you would see in a 80's Butt-Rock band's video back in the Mtv days when the 'M' stood for 'music' and not 'commercials'.  The concept does give the film one iconic shot of a pretty darn cool looking zombie poking it's head out from the fog spewing t.v. screen.  It is a good shot and sadly the only real time the haunted t.v. is really used.  The rest of the movie is pure blah with nothing making any sense.  The boy is seduced by a "beautiful" woman who comes out of the t.v. and then goes back inside.  Then this old guy shows up behind her and cuts her head off.  The boy actually asks why he did that.  The guy shows that she was just a zombie and introduces himself as the 'garbage man'.  Then after explaining that some zombies have escaped he goes away and does nothing to help.  He never shows up again.  He had no point in this film whatsoever.  In fact another old guy shows up from Texas and he explains how you kill the zombies.  How he knows is anybody's guess.

There are only two ways you can kill a zombie in THE VIDEO DEAD.  Because they think they are alive you can stab them and they will think they are dead and just lay there until they rot.  You can't bury them because apparently that will only make them powerful again.  Makes sense.....?  The other way is to trap them in a confined space where they can't escape and they will go crazy and eat each other to death.  So yeah, this movie is full of dumb ideas.  They are not only dumb though they are annoying making the film unbearable to watch.  These rules prolong the finale where after the boy and old guy are killed leaving the older sister alone she has to treat the zombies like they are alive feeding them and showing them around the house until finally she is able to trap them in the basement.  It was an irritating climax to the film and even after all that they still don't die.

At first I thought the zombies looked kind of cool.  They certainly had a lot of detail to them.  But as the movie dragged on and on with no merciful ending insight I became bored with them.  The movie has no problem showing them in broad daylight with many many close-ups to show how bad some of their make-up really was.  The illusion was easily shattered.  By the end of the film I was more annoyed by them than the horrible living characters of Blandville.  But the zombies just would not die.  The movie just kept going on and on and on.

THE VIDEO DEAD is full of bad ideas that run in all different directions trying to draw the viewer into the story.  There are a few other concepts of dealing with the dead that I didn't even bother talking about because really they didn't help unless needed to for the sake of the story.  There is something about mirrors warding them off but they can just break them using sticks unless they are in a basement filled with all sorts of objects that could break a mirror.  Again nothing makes sense and nothing draws you into the film.  Watch it if you hate yourself but don't be surprised if you feel your life force being sucked from your body through your eyeballs.  It is a natural reaction to THE VIDEO DEAD.  There really should be a warning label on the cover to warn of such things but I think that would have made me want to watch the movie more.  I am stupid that way.  Recommend it to someone you hate, folks.


Jason

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION is a good reason why you shouldn't take my movie recommendations.

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION should have been called G.I. JOE vs. ZOMBIES.  That is what this whole movie looks like.  The movie has nothing to do with retribution but it does have a bunch of guys that look like action figures running around getting killed by the weapons proficient undead.  I am not sure why the word "retribution" is in the title.  R.E.R. is about Alice once again in an Umbrella facility that is underwater running from monsters, zombies and clones.  There is no revenge involved with any of that.  She is just getting from point A to point B with the help of some familiar faces.  Barry from the original RESIDENT EVIL game (Played by that one guy that gets stabbed repeatedly in the throat in 3:10 TO YUMA) and Leon (Played by......Dolph Lundgren?) from the game's sequel are mercs or something who are sent by Wesker to help Alice escape.  Now I am just going to say it.  I like all of these movies.  I think they are fun monster movies that can't be taken too seriously.  I happen to like monster movies a lot.  I also happen to like bashing things I like too so here I go.

R.E.R. is more like a live action cartoon with outlandish fighting moves, extremely elaborate super complex impossibly located Umbrella bases and bad bad writing.  Most of the time with movies like this I usually don't mind a little bad dialogue.  As long as the movie is entertaining and creative I don't care.  But DANG(!) this movie has this really bad scene where Wesker (Looking quite good for being blown up by a mini-nuke) appears on this computer screen and starts explaining to Alice that the neighborhood she just escaped from was just a simulated street used to demonstrate to buyers what the zombie virus can do.  Confused for some reason Alice starts questioning about the weather and people and such and Wesker obliges with answers.  No way after four past movies dealing with the Umbrella Corporation and their uber-high tech underground bases would Alice question the validity of a simulated environment.  All Wesker should have said was,"It was simulated".  And Alice should have responded, "That's what I figured".  The end.  But, No.  We get a five minute scene that feels like ten minutes of a back and forth question and answer session that adds nothing to the scene.  We are told nothing that everybody including all the characters don't already know.  Are you padding your run time, RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION?  Seriously.  Babies write better dialogue in their diapers.

The movie has this weird vibe to it like they are struggling to fill up the movie with stuff we haven't seen before.  They throw in game related moments to gain street cred with the nerdos like this guy getting chainsawed in the chest.  That was kind of cool.  That happened in RESIDENT EVIL 4 the game I think.  But really we have seen all this stuff before.  There are too many moments and too many lines that seem to be lifted from better movies that came before.  At one point this giant Licker shows up and steals this girl that Alice has been protecting.  The ugly thing has done nothing but kill everybody it has seen the whole entire movie but for no reason what so ever it keeps the girl alive and cocoons her.  Now Alice has to save her.  Yea, the movie turns into ALIENS.

I also wished Alice wouldn't feel the need to explain to all of us that her name is Alice and that she used to work for the Umbrella blah-blah-blah.  We really don't need to hear that tripe over and over again. 

The rest of the movie is good though.  It was fun watching mercs battle Russian soldier zombies for thirty minutes that shoot guns, operate chainsaws and drive trucks and motorcycles.  And I really liked the use of clones in this movie too.  It was weird in a good way having clone guards of people from Alice's past hunt her down.  Michele Rodrigueze plays a good clone who dies and a bad clone......that dies too.  And there are a couple of other clones from the first and second movie who are after Alice as well.  They really don't do much with this concept of familiar faces being different characters.  They could have done so much more if the story wasn't so impaired with the overly used plot of escaping from point A to point B.  Still it was cool to see.

How stupid was I to think that this was the last RESIDENT EVIL film?  They end the movie with this LORD OF THE RINGS battle at Helms Deep ending where Alice is on top of the White House with hundreds of Army guys fending off billions of zombies.  It was a cool ending but you know that when they make part 6 they will forget about all of that and put Alice on a space ship in space or on another freakin planet and pretend the ending of part 5 never happened.  They do that in almost all of these movies.  I was a little frustrated that they spent no time explaining what happened to everybody else from part 4.  If I remember correctly Claire Redfield and whoever else was still alive back on some ship.  They make no mention of them but still put them (at least Claire) in the end credits.  I guess they do bring a couple of them back like the evil robot spider possessed Jill Valentine and that one guy they left behind back in prison.  But Claire was kind of important, right?

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION is more of the same with nothing new to the mix.  If you love the film series then you should have no trouble finding room on your DVD shelf for this one when it comes out.  I know they didn't put much thought into this movie.  Just look at the title.  They found a not so overly used "R" word that sounds cool and named the movie that.  When I think about R.E.R. there are more negatives than there are positives.  There really isn't a whole lot that makes sense in any of these.  But I can't help it.  I love zombies movies, I love monster movies, and I love chicks with guns.  The RESIDENT EVIL films combine all the things I love and gives them a polished updated look.  With that said they really need to end the whole franchise with part 6.  Enough is enough already. 

Jason

PARANORMAN: DEAD BODIES IN A CHILDREN'S MOVIE!?!

Don't worry, folks.  The dead bodies talk so that makes it okay.

*SPOILERS*  BEWARE! BEWARE!

PARANORMAN brings a slightly darker edge to children's mainstream animation.  In no way is it as dark as kid's movies back in the eighties.  Remember those?  Remember the NEVERENDING STORY when that large werewolf would run around with it's huge teeth and damnable nightmarish yellow eyes?  The horrible thing talked too.  Or what about THE DARK CRYSTAL with the giant black crabs that broke through walls from everywhere dispelling any notion that you were going to get a decent night sleep.  SECRET OF NIMH, anyone?  Back in my day kids movies gave you nightmares and that's they way we liked them.  They were a little more adult filled with imagination that wasn't afraid to get a little dark from time to time.  Nowadays we get some good animated films (Usually from PIXAR) but they are all free of any imagery that would freak out the wussiest of brats.  PARANORMAN comes close to bringing back some of those kinds of disturbing moments but not quite.  It is a good movie but not great.  Why do they always have to put some boring moral lesson into these movies?  Why do they always have to go the "smart" story route.  Why can't this be a simple story about a boy who fights zombies and becomes a hero because of his extreme knowledge of horror movies and his macabre ability to communicate with the dead?  Oh, well at least it is not a musical.

PARANORMAN starts off great with our protagonist Norman watching a zombie movie on t.v.  We see that he is totally obsessed with zombies having posters of them all over his wall with a zombie alarm clock and a zombie tooth brush and such.  His family thinks he is weird because he still talks to grandma who has been dead for a few months or so.  As he goes to school he talks to all the ghosts that he sees along the way.  The town folk see him as weird too.  At school he is bullied and treated like an outcast but he befriends the fat kid and blah-blah-blah zombie stuff happens.  We know all this stuff already.  What about the zombies?  Well for one they are risen from the dead by a witches curse.  We find out that they were (sigh) Puritans.  There were seven of them that stood witness at the witch's trial.  Now right there we already know that they unjustifiably sentenced some poor girl to death for witchcraft because that is what the Puritans did back in the old days.  At least according to the History Channel they did.  How uncreative is that?  Puritans and witches curses?  How about a leaky barrel of toxic waste rolling through a cemetery and some Butt-Rock Hair Metal music to get our zombie carnage started?  I miss you, the eighties.  *Sob*

You see once you find out that the town celebrates it's famous historical witch trial we already know the whole story.  It becomes a little boring.  You already know that the witch was just some innocent person that was wrongly convicted.  Wait a minute.  Why can she put a witches curse on you even though she really isn't a witch at all?  That doesn't make any sense.  Either she was a witch or she wasn't.  If she wasn't she shouldn't be able to put a witches curse on anybody.  We find out that she was a young girl Norman's age who could also speak to the dead which made her an outcast.  Does that mean Norman can cast curses too and light up into electricity?  The movie doesn't say.  As it turns out the zombies are not bad they are just trying to get the curse ended with Norman's help.  They are sorry for what they did.  Eh, what can I say?  It's a kid's movie.  The girl at the trial says she was "just playing".  That is fine and all but the fact that she can cast a curse almost legitimizes the conviction.  That isn't right.  Maybe later if she had lived she would eventually become an all powerful witch able to cast spells on those she simply didn't like.  You kind of shot yourself in the foot with that one didn't ya, PARANORMAN?

Yes, the story is smart (for the most part) with a good message about forgiveness and not to be a bully.  Yes, there are some clever moments like when the Puritan zombies find themselves the outcasts and hunted by the town's people.  It is very ironic.  There are some nods to classic horror movies most of which I missed because I'm not a smart guy with a keen eye for detail.  I love this kind of stop motion animation and the colors and scenery are outstanding.  I just didn't find the humor all that funny.  I also didn't like the fact that the ghosts Norman talks too disappear once the story starts to get rolling.  I would have thought that all these ghosts would start to float around and help Norman out when the zombies show up but they don't.  He doesn't have a relationship with them.  It would have been cool if they were the only friends that Norman had.  They could have helped him when no one alive would.  That would have been cool.  But instead Norman's gift for talking to the dead is only helpful because only he can talk to the zombies and only he can talk to the dead girl who is not a witch but can cast witch's curses.  Its not as creative of a movie as I would have liked.  I would have liked to have seen the ghosts have more of an impact on the main story.  Instead they are just there at the beginning to let us, the audience, know that Norman talks to dead people.

If you have kids that love monster movies then I highly recommend this movie.  They will get a kick out of all the spooky scenery, ghosts, and severed limb humor.  And kids aren't too smart so they won't see the story twists coming from a mile away.  I know I am a little down on this one but I did really like this movie and I want to see it do well.  Horror fans should love it.  I just wasn't blown away by it.  If I had seen this movie back when I was ten then this probably would have been one of my favorite films of all time just because it had zombies in it.  Unfortunately I am old now and I hate everything.  I had high expectations for this movie.  I rarely go see kids movies in the theater.  When I do it is because I am expecting something great.  PARANORMAN could have been great.  It trips up with having to tell an overly complicated story about forgiving one another and stuff.  Why can't a kid's movie be about a bunch of crazy crap happening with no real moral message whatsoever?  Remember THE GOONIES?  It is nice to see that there are a couple of similar spooky kid movies coming out soon.  I am looking forward to FRANKENWEENIE and HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA.  I will be seeing those as well.  Next time however I will keep my expectations low.


Jason

SAMURAI AVENGER: THE BLIND WOLF

I do believe if you took the top row of my DVD collection and smashed them together to form one ultimate movie the result would be SAMURAI AVENGER. Prominently displayed on my top shelf are all my Samurai, Kung-fu, and Italian Westerns DVDs. These films are all very violent, very colorful and very fun. They appeal to my more adolescent side wanting nothing more to see than bloody revenge carried out on wave after wave of well deserving bad guys. Though they come from different countries with different visual styles these films all tap into the same themes. Most of the time they are stories of a stranger showing up somewhere who is highly proficient when it comes to killing. They usually have the fastest draw with the gun or the sword and always have the right thing to say at any given situation. These are the heroes. Usually they are drifters out to to seek revenge. Like KILL BILL, SAMURAI AVENGER is a celebration of these films blending swords and guns together perfectly but with a much lower budget. The film makers call it a "Sushi Western".

SAMURAI AVENGER pretends to be a lost exploitation grindhouse film from the seventies that has been restored with scratches left in the film that were unavoidable. At the beginning of the film an up tight narrator explains that this is a directors cut and when possible the excessively violent scenes have been restored using the best source material available and that we should excuse the poor quality of certain shots in the film. If you ever watched DJANGO on DVD they have a similar notification at the beginning of the movie minus the narrator. So what we have here is a GRINDHOUSE clone but with Samurai/Italian Westerns instead of horror movies. Hey, at least they don't do that whole "missing reel" thing that other wannabe directors do.  That only worked in GRINDHOUSE.  Dear young film makers of today, please stop making GRINDHOUSE inspired rip-offs.  We get it.  We all love Tarantino.  You don't need to make movies that do nothing more than copy his style to show your love.  Thank you.  SAMURAI AVENGER is an exception.

Kurando Mitsutake plays the Blind Wolf who is on a journey to kill the man responsible for murdering his wife and daughter and forcing him to poke out his own eyes with a stick.  What a bastard.  But he must kill the seven assasins that stand in his way.  A mysterious drifter shows up and helps him on his journey.  Kurando Mitsutake does a fantastic job playing the playing the Blind Wolf which was heavily inspired by the Katsu Shintaro version of Zatoichi.  He has Katsu's facial mannerism down perfectly.  Kurando really does look like Zatoichi.  The Drifter isn't too bad but nothing too special.  Played by Jeffery James Lippold I think his character is suppose to represent the Clint Eastwood mysterious stranger from Leone's "Man with no name" trilogy.  He looks more like an underwear model......Acts like one too.  The main bad guy played by Domiziano Arcangeli is way over the top but in a good way.  He kind of looks like the demon offspring of Klaus Kinski and the Devil assuming that the Devil is really a woman.  He is intense and all over the place with his performance savoring every vile and deplorable act.  He bites the ear off of Wolf's wife for crying out loud!......Really good stuff.  A couple of times they film him with a "fish" lens to distort and widen his psychotic looking grin.  I didn't think this was necessary since the actor does a better job of looking crazy without gimmicky camera tricks which do nothing more than distract from his performance.  I really liked him a lot.

The film itself is full of cheesy highly exaggerated gore effects.  Like the LONE WOLF & CUB movies and other Japanese samurai films from the seventies there is blood spray everywhere.  Every wound is a fountain of red stuff.  Don't be surprised to see exposed intestines, decapitations, severed limbs, and major impalement issues galore.  This film has it all even though some of those shots are made to look damaged to make the film look old and poorly restored.  The fights are kind of non-existent with the good guys merely swinging their sword once then cutting to the bad guy spraying blood everywhere.  Quick sword fights aren't really a bad thing since in LONE WOLF & CUB Ogami Itto takes down his enemies usually in one or two moves but at least those scenes were better filmed.

The greatest enjoyment I got from the film is recognizing all the nods and homages to the old classics I love so much.  You can tell that Kurando who not only starred but directed and partially wrote SAMURAI AVENGER truly loves these movies too.  This film is a love letter to them.  There is a great scene between Wolf and the Drifter where they get into an argument about killing a witch that is also pregnant.  Not caring about losing his honor by killing an evil woman who is the expectant mother of an innocent Wolf wants to kill her right away.  The Drifter stops him causing a little bit of conflict between the two.  With the swing of the sword the Drifter slashes open the witch's stomach allowing the baby (played by a painfully obvious gore covered plastic doll) to fall into Wolf's arms.  A little bit later Amanda Plummer shows up in a van and the Drifter gives her the baby.  I guess that is the homage to Tarantino since she was in PULP FICTION.  Hurray?  Anyhoo Wolf thanks Drifter and tells him that he was right for not allowing him to kill the child and that revenge isn't the only thing left in this world.  It's a really great character developing moment that strengthens the friendship of these two master swordsmen and sets up for some greater drama in the last act.  Good stuff.

But......SAMURAI AVENGER has some problems.

The writing is probably the weakest aspect of the film with most of the best lines lifted from other movies as homages.  While the film gives us unique scenarios and scenes it tries too hard to make our hero sound like a badass.  Sometimes a hero should be seen and not heard especially when the hero's wit isn't as sharp as his sword.  The film falls a little short when it comes to the Wolf trying to sound tough.  He doesn't sound too intimidating when he says things like "Tell me something I don't already know" or "I don't even fear bullets."  For a mysterious stranger he sure does like to talk a lot.  Kurando should have relied more on his own strong presence in the film and the actions his character takes to emphasise how badass his character is.  Remember a badass doesn't have to prove himself to anyone and he sure as heck doesn't have to explain with words how badass he really is.  Bad guys should learn how badass a hero is by getting themselves dead by his actions not by being bored to death by bragging.

SAMURAI AVENGER kind of falls into nerdy HIGHLANDER territory focusing too much time on simply sliding a sword into it's sheathe.  It doesn't happen throughout the film but it does happen enough for me to complain about it.  When a bad guy is dispatched the film just stops to show a slow motion Wolf or Drifter sliding their dang Samurai sword into it's sheathe.  It's like sword porn for Nerdos that watch too much Anime.  It makes me think the film believes a hero is only as badass as the sword he carries.  Just because you are holding a sword in a mean pose does not make you a tough guy.  It makes you look like a nerd especially when you are practising your "sword techniques" in the backyard.  The only thing you are going to scare off are the ladies.

The narrator's voice could put a meth addict to sleep.  From time to time throughout the movie he stops the film to explain what is going on.  It is a good addition to the film especially since there is a lot of cultural stuff that needs explained but I do wish the narrator was a little more energetic.  The voice itself has a tendency to kill the momentum of the film.

ZATOICIHI, LONE WOLF & CUB, THE WILD BUNCH, DJANGO, THE OUTFIT and one of my favorites THE GREAT SILENCE are all referenced in SAMURAI AVENGER along with many other films I can't recall or just never seen.  There are zombies (Luci Fulci?) too with a small touch of science fiction added in at the ending.  Stay past the credits is all I can say.  Some of the sets are cheap looking but I think that isn't really a negative.  I think it adds to the fantastical artistic side of the film.  SAMURAI AVENGER isn't meant to be a realistic movie.  It is a post-modern film about the many different genres of films.  I know there are a lot of films you need to see first before you can fully appreciate SAMURAI AVENGER.  If you really really liked KILL BILL then give this one a chance.  You won't be disappointed...............probably.


Jason

SPOOKIES! Remember this one?

"Hey, look at that giant mansion in the middle of nowhere that somebody may or may not be living in that has a cemetery for a front yard.  Let's go inside through the front doors and party."  If you are riding around pointlessly through the countryside and one of your friends says that, be sure you punch him (or her) in the head because it is exactly that kind of logic that gets a group of twenty somethings (more like thirty somethings by the look of them) dead in the movie SPOOKIES.

I am not sure if there really is a plot to SPOOKIES.  What I understand is that there is this old man wizard (played by Mr. Burns?) that has a line down the middle of his forehead that pulses up and down when he does magic type stuff.  He probably does it sometimes just to be gross too but that is none of my buisness.  The wizard's name is Kreon (pronounced crayon?) and he has a dead wife that he wants to resurrect from the dead.  The only way he can do that is by capturing peoples' souls who die in his mansion.  Along comes some "friends" that decide to stay in the seemingly abandoned house where they end up getting trapped inside.  Surrounded by zombies from the outside our twenty somethings decide to split up and roam the house pointlessly allowing themselves to be killed off one by one by the mansion's strange assortment of creatures.  Apparently the wizard wants them killed off in a creative fashion for his amusement.  The wife however wakes up early for some reason and doesn't like being brought back so she herself tries to escape her evil wizard husband.  At least that is what I think is going on in this mid-to-late eighties creature feature.

I saw this movie back in the early nineties when I was really young on the USA NETWORK one Saturday morning after all the good cartoons were over.  I had a hard time trying to find any information on this movie.  I did try finding it on IMDB but apparently I was typing in "THE CREEPIES" even though I knew the correct word was "SPOOKIES".  I am what you would call an idiot.  Thankfully I found a copy of it and I was finally able to watch it to see if it was any good.  I didn't think I would but I ended up really liking this FX heavy B-movie production.  Sure the acting sucks and things don't make much sense but there is a tremendous amount of effort put into this movie.  The FX are not too bad and are kind of fun.  The monsters themselves range from simple gremlin hand puppets to larger  people size monsters.  There is one monster that shoots this tentacle around this lady's throat electrocuting her and melting face.  I think it was absorbing her or something gross.  It was really cool though.  Then the "funny" guy of the group who apparently likes bringing his hand puppet around to pick up chicks follows this woman around who turns into a giant spider that sucks his body dry in an instant.  The FX can be a little silly too.  At one point there is this flying ghost banshee thing that is waving it's arms all crazy and if you pause the movie just right you can see one of the puppeteers hands holding one of the arms.  Good times.  The banshee thing looks like a Halloween decoration you can get at SPENCERS.  I think they did a good job with the monsters though.  I was impressed.  The Grim Reaper makes an appearance too.  Did you know that if you throw the Grim Reaper off a one story ledge it will explode?  Its true.

SPOOKIES is an effectively shot film.  A lot of the shots particularly of the mansion with the cemetery for a front yard are extremely memorable.  The moment when the "funny" guy meets the Spider Lady she is mostly concealed in shadow allowing only her eyes to be visible.  It is an eerie moment because you know the spider is leading the fly into a trap.  You know something bad is about to go down and you are not quite sure that you want to see it.  The spider transformation was actually pretty good too.  SPOOKIES is a spooky film despite its short comings.  I am not for sure but I think the makers of this film built a bigger movie around an unfinished short film called TWISTED SOULS.  At least that is what I gathered from IMDB.  The movie has three directors credited two of which are credited for TWISTED.  You can barely tell that this is two movies combined into one.  The movie has a weird atmosphere to it.  It is an American production but it feels and looks more like an Italian horror movie.  It is hard for me too explain.  There is a dream like quality to SPOOKIES.  Its a colorful film with strange visuals broken by bickering characters that don't seem to be friends at all.  It is a weird combination.  It all works though in a cheesy, fun but spooky way.  Just watch it for yourselves and see if you agree.

You know what movie SPOOKIES reminds me of most?  CABIN IN THE WOODS.  Its basically the same premise.  A bunch of kids are killed off by an assortment of different monsters for the amusement of some supernatural guy.  I wonder if this film was an inspiration for Joss Whedon.  Its possible.  If you like horror movies and you want to see something that is fun, imaginative and pretty stupid I highly recommend this film.  I know that this is one of those movies that has a lot to forgive but I think that is another reason why the film is so good.  Cheesy is good sometimes.  The only thing I will complain about is that constantly through the film seemingly every other shot is on this blue Nightcrawler looking werewolf Igor looking dude with a hooked hand.  He runs around ensuring that no one escapes by locking doors behind people when they are trying to runaway from the monsters.  There are way too many shots of this guy running around spying on everybody.  It gets kind of annoying.  But everything else I am going to over look.  I had a fun time watching this film remembering all the moments I saw back when I was a kid.  Back then this movie scared me.  Man, was I a wuss.

Jason

LAST OF THE LIVING: The movie that doesn't want to die....

In all honesty I really liked LAST OF THE LIVING.  It's kind of funny, the characters are kind of interesting and the overall story concept is kind of unique.  Yeah, that is quite a few "kind ofs", isn't it?  I guess I can't really recommend this movie.  That really sucks because there is talent here.  There is a spark of creativity.  The problem is that the whole film isn't as good as it thinks it is.

The story is about three dudes who are the last of the living.  They spend the majority of the movie living their daily lives in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.  They go to the store, watch t.v. and play video games.  Apparently during a zombie apocalypse the electrical grid is just fine.  That is very fortunate for our heroes.  When they get bored of the mansion they are squatting in they move to a new one.  This is where the movie decides to introduce a plot into the mix to try to keep our attention about a female scientist trying to get blood from a zombie to a research facility on an island. 

This movie has its humorous moments.  Some of the dialogue is witty or at least amusing.  There is a lot of great music spread throughout the film giving you hope that the movie will get better.  But it doesn't.  The energy of the film kind of plateaus and then towards the end descends into fart jokes and one extremely weak ending.  The movie just stops.  Things get kind of crazy at the end there and the movie decides to not go on anymore leaving the audience with that "WTF WAS THAT!" feeling in their gut.  LAST OF THE LIVING doesn't seem to be a completed film.  It probably needed to go through a few more script changes before anything was put to film.  It wants to be the New Zealand SHAUN OF THE DEAD but it poops out.  The whole movie seems under developed.

For a low budget movie, LAST OF THE LIVING tries to entertain but at 87 minutes of run time the movie just drags and drags and drags and they haven't even gotten to the island yet.  You get tired of the film about halfway through when you realize that nothing is happening quickly at all.  Actually by the end you can forgive the abrupt mindless ending because at least the movie is over.  The quirky shenanigans of our heroes is not enough to keep your interest.  The film has a sickly green tint to it that mucks up the photography lessening the value of the cinematography making everything look boring. 

I guess if you like zombie movies and can forgive a lot of it's short comings then I can somewhat kind of sort of recommend this rip off of SHAUN OF THE DEAD.  Just don't be expecting to hang a poster of this one on your wall in your parents basement anytime soon, Nerd-Os.

Jason

THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD! The 80's were the best.

RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is by far one of the greatest zombie movies ever made.  No zombie movie could ever duplicate the unique horror comic book style that this movie has.  As a zombie movie it defies zombie movie rule #1 which is KILL LOTS OF ZOMBIES.  Yet the movie is one of the greatest.  You can't kill these bastards.  Shooting them in the head doesn't work.  They also run and can think and talk.  That is not a good combination for our characters.  In fact there isn't a lot of people that could survive the situation our heroes face in THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD.  We would all die too......Well, I wouldn't.  I would be just fine.

This is a film that every person that plans to make horror movies should study.  It is so easy to not understand what makes this movie work.  Just watch THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD part 2 for an example of failure to understand.  What a lazy piece of crap.  Yes, ROTLD is a dark comedy but it is not a complete comedy.  The horrors in this film are genuine.  What makes this movie work is the characters.  Particularly the old warehouse keeper and his new employee.  Their antics in the hospital store supply warehouse are so interesting that you could make the whole movie about these two guys and not have any zombies whatsoever.  The horror element is a bonus.  Those two along with the coroner (who is a possible ex-Nazi) and Burt (Clu Gulager) walking around talking about cadavers and all the weird stuff in the warehouse would make a great little indie movie.  The punk teenagers there to die are fun too.  They just basically bitch around, party and look as 80's as possible.  Brings back memories it does.  The whole movie is just a bunch of people trapped in a couple of buildings surrounded by the undead until the army finds out and nukes them.  Of course this just makes things worse.

It is so creepy to have zombies talk.  They essentially are human with an uncontrollable need to eat brains.  (YOU HEAR THAT, NECROPOLIS AND RAVE FROM THE GRAVE!?!  They eat brains not flesh and organs!  Get it right, morons.)    I love the first zombie that rises from the grave.  It's just a complete skeleton with eyeballs.  It looks fake as hell but it adds a slight cartoonish aspect to the film.  This falls in line with the comic book element to the film.  Overall the zombies look different than zombies from other films.  They are a little more colorful.  Some are just completely decomposed with not much skin at all but others are brightly colored blue and yellow.  The naked chick zombie has a monster face with a jaw that hyper extends when it bites the tops of peoples heads.  They run too which hadn't happen (as far as I know) since NIGHTMARE CITY.   But the zombies in NIGHTMARE CITY used machine guns too. (The cheating bastards)  The only way to kill them is to completely burn them to ash.  Cut their heads off and they will still keep coming.  Cut their arms off and their arms will try to kill you.  Its all rather frustrating.  Its like playing Resident Evil 2 with just the knife.  IT SUCKS!

The sequels are all crap.  They suck on so many levels that it would take volumes to explain.  It hurts my face just to try and watch them.  Here we have one of the greatest horror movies ever made with the worst sequels ever made.  Not one single one of them is good but they show just how brilliant director Dan O'Bannon was.  It's not easy to make a zombie movie.  He took a terrible script and reworked it into a fun terrifying zombie movie.  He was one of the greats. 

Jason

CEMETERY MAN: DELLAMORTE, DELLAMORE

CEMETERY MAN is a fantasy/horror/black comedy that tells the story of Francesco Dellamorte and his troubles running a cemetery and dealing with life.  Also there are zombies.  This is a strange film indeed.  While I don't like to view films as metaphors on anything one can't help but notice how clever a metaphor on life CEMETERY MAN is.  Oddly enough its a metaphor on my life.  The troubles he has in finding love and making positive change in life mirrors a lot of what I have been through in the past.  I think many of us can relate to Francesco and his problems.  Well maybe not his zombie problems unless you live near an old folks home.

First off it's important to note that while zombies are prevalent throughout this film, CEMETERY MAN is not about zombies.  The movie doesn't explain why they rise from the dead after seven days or how.  There is no time spent trying to stop the zombies from taking over the world.  The cast of the film isn't boarded up in a house fighting zombies and getting their faces eaten off one by one.  No, CEMETERY MAN is about love.  Now before you go off and dismiss this film as pretentious art house bull-hockey let me just say that CEMETERY MAN follows zombie film rule #1.  Kill lots of zombies.  It does do that so don't get too uptight, gorehounds.  They are the "gotta shoot'em in the head" kind of zombies too.  My favorite.

Francesco Dellamorte is a good enough guy.  Just because his last name means death doesn't mean he is bad.  Maybe he is a little boring.  There isn't much to do when you live in a cemetery.  He keeps things as tidy as possible with the help of his sidekick Gnaghi (that's how they spell it on IMDB) who is somewhat of a dimwit (but not really).  When he isn't reading the phone book Francesco likes to keep the town safe from the undead that rise from the grave.  He has one friend he talks to over the phone and a little old lady that visits the cemetery every day.  But Francesco has a passion for love.  He is a romantic that just happens to be a nice guy.  So that is two strikes against him.  Romantic and nice.  Two things that are not appreciated by the woman folk nowadays.  Believe me I know.

Now if you are a douche bag that gets the ladies, gets the fast cars and refers to himself as "the Situation" then you probably won't like CEMETERY MAN.  This movie isn't for you.  No, this movie is for those of us who have loved deeply and would do anything for the one we love only to have reality smack us down and stomp on our faces until we have become cold and bitter people.  Francesco Dellamorte is a man who falls in love three times.  Every single time love falls apart or isn't exactly what it seemed.  Each woman is a different character but played by the same woman.  I don't know why.  Maybe it's because this film is pretentious art house bull-hockey.  Francesco is the kind of guy that would do anything for love.  The second girl that falls in love with him does so because she thinks he has no dick.  That's the rumor that the towns people started.  She is afraid of sex.  So Francesco tries to get a doctor to cut his "you know what" off.  At this point I in no way can relate to Francesco Dellamorte.  A man has to know his limitations (MAGNUM FORCE) and getting my "Johnson" cut off is mine.  What this shows though is how much he loves this woman.  He would give up sex for her.  The doctor is too squeamish and doesn't cut it off.  Later she comes back to break up with Francesco because (and get this) her boss raped her and now she is in love with him.  Kind of sick if you ask me.  Francesco definitely dodged a bullet there.  Next time maybe he won't be so melodramatic.

Francesco is a man caught in the middle.  He can neither go up nor down.  He is stuck tending to the dead.  When love no longer works he resorts to violence and goes around shooting people in the head because apparently the Grim Reaper told him to.  Basically Francesco is trying his best to destroy his life and escape his dead end job.  Expecting to be thrown in jail, Francesco discovers that his only friend that he talks to on the phone took the blame for the murders after murdering his own family.  With no other options Francesco leaves town with his sidekick Gnaghi (Seriously, folks. That's how they spell it IMDB).  They drive as far as they can until they reach the abyss.  There is nothing out there. There is no world to explore,  no other life to live but the one he is living right now.  For a lot of us that is so true.  We are stuck in our dead end jobs forced to do the same thing over and over again with little hope of finding something better until we die.  This is definitely a "the glass is half empty" kind of movie.

CEMETERY MAN is an early 90's film.  It was made right before everything became CGI cartoons.  The special effects are practical and amazing.  The director, Michele Soavi, has a great eye for detail.  His shots are beautifully framed turning a cemetery into a macabre wonderland of stone angels and tombstones.   The whole damn movie looks like a dream.  CEMETERY MAN is a movie no one has ever made before.  It's totally original.  The horror, the fantasy and the comedy blend together nicely to form a unique tone to the film.  Its a little dark at times but not too dark.  The fantasy element keeps the bloody violence from dominating the tone.  Its ugly but its also funny.  You don't take it seriously.  It's okay to laugh when that nun gets shot in the face. 

I would dare say that this is the second best zombie film ever made.  Only the original DAWN OF THE DEAD is better in my eyes but barely.  CEMETERY MAN is a fun watch.  It is one of those films that can open your mind to what can be done in a movie.  It forces you to think outside the box.  Not every zombie movie has to be about the zombies and how to deal with them or how to go from point "A" to point "B" through hordes of flesh eaters.  The zombies are a bonus.  There are different ways to interpret this film.  I have no idea what the meaning is behind most of the stuff that happens in this movie.  The ending especially is a little head scratching but its one of the best endings ever to a film.  I just happen to see a lot of myself in this film (not the homicidal parts of course).  Maybe you do too.  Hopefully you don't.  Check it out and see for yourself.  Love is not certain, death is.

Jason