Thursday, February 14, 2013
SLASHERS GONE WILD is unwatchable.....BUT I WATCHED IT ANYWAYS!
There is no plot or story to SLASHERS GONE WILD. Yes, it does try to tell a story but it is kind of hard to do so when you have no script and it is painfully obvious that there was no script. Almost every scene is just some guy who is suppose to be a slasher stabbing, cutting, mutilating or whatever some person tied down to a chair, table or couch. This collection of scenes become more and more irritating as the film goes on because you realize that THIS is how the whole "movie: is going to be and none of it makes sense. Here is the premise. A reporter is in a room and starts investigating a website where slashers compete (by sending videos of themselves killing people I presume) to join a business of some sort that is nothing but slashers who kill people who pollute the environment. The winner gets to join the club and receives pills that make them a super unstoppable Jason Vorhees like killer. Problem is you don't see the slashers compete on some show where they are running around killing hapless victims which would be a great idea. No, instead we just see guys with victims tied to objects cutting on their victims while ad libbing mostly audible lines and laughing after every word they say. It is really annoying.
You can see that the makers of SLASHERS GONE WILD missed the point as to what a slasher is. They only understand recognizable cliched iconic visual trademarks like hockey masks, chainsaws, blood and intestines. They only grasp the lower common denominator of what a slasher is. A slasher has a reason for what they do. They stalk and chase. The really good slasher films of the past had likable characters that you root for or if you hated them root against. Those films mixed cheap thrills with often spooky moods and haunting atmosphere. I guess SLASHERS GONE WILD didn't have the budget for atmosphere. Remember how awesome the original BLACK CHRISTMAS was? The killer in that didn't even wear a mask AND it wasn't that bloody compared to most.
The strange thing about this "film" was that it wasn't the big problems like the nonexistent story, horrible VHS quality video, out of sync sound or even the annoying characters and monotonous pace that bothered me the most. It was the small things. I got the impression that this whole fiasco was super rushed with no thought to anything that they were doing. It is like they filmed a bunch of horror themed skits, slapped them together when they realized that together there was a long enough run time to qualify as a movie and put them on a sleek looking DVD trying to trick people into thinking this was a genuine movie. For instance there is a character named Loonitic. See how they purposefully changed the 'U' in 'Lunatic' to 'OO' in an attempt to be clever? Do you think they meant to change the 'A' into an 'I' as well? I don't think so. Loonitic likes to tie people up and play Truth or Dare and if they don't get the question right he kills them and if they do answer correctly he kills them anyway. Wait a minute. How do you get a question wrong in Truth or Dare? Last time I checked Truth or Dare is when you ask someone to tell a truth about them not some random impossible math question that nobody would ever get the right answer to. It's not suppose to be 20 Questions. Also the motto or whatever to the slashers club is POLLUTE OR DEATH? I am not asking a question. There is a question mark at the end of their motto. Shouldn't it be POLLUTE OR DIE with no question mark? It is little annoyances that indicate that there was no effort put into anything in this "movie".
At the end of SLASHERS GONE WILD words appear threatening a sequel. I looked it up and found that they have a Indieagogo or Kickstarter campaign going. I honestly wish them success even though it seemed like they were intentionally trying to kill me with this "film". I know that sounds strange coming from some jerk on the Internet who just trashed the "film" but I don't like wishing ill will on any film maker. Uwe Boll being the exception of course. I just hope they grow as film makers and realize that TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE isn't the only horror movie around. Everybody rips off TCM and that isn't even that gory of a film either. Gore isn't horror. Gore is just gross.
Oh, and the special effects belong in the 'Not So Special' effects category. Just sayin...