Sunday, July 15, 2012


THE FP is a fun romp set in the near future where street gangs fight for "street cred" by versing each other in DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION.  This is a comedy that takes the silly premise and plays it straight face.  Its dry humor that is electrified by insane energetic performances and wildly creative (or not so depending on your definition of "creative") verbal slams.  This is a genuinely funny movie.  By the end I was left speechless.  I am still unable to convey the words of how awesome this movie is.  THE FP deceived me with the DANCE DANCE into thinking this was going to be an ultra modern hip film for the young kiddies of today.  But no, this film is for the old bastards such as myself who love retro eighties films and hate the youth of today.Verbally intense THE FP never slows down.  I don't remember a part where I suddenly lost interest and started thinking about all the people I hate wishing upon a star that something bad would happen to them.  Thanks, THE FP for keeping me out of hell a little bit longer.

Btro is the leader of the 248s.  He starts the movie by manning up and versing the leader of the 245s, L Dubba E in a game of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION.  That is how you throw down and gain street cred in the near future of Frazier Park.  (That is what "FP" stands for.  I just found that out by reading the back of the Blu-Ray)  There to cheer him on is his close as a brother friend, Jtro. Suddenly during the epic battle of extreme feet prancing Btro up and dies losing the match and crushing the 248's respect, you know what I am sayin?  Devastated Jtro leaves the 248 and vows never to DANCE DANCE ever again.

1 year later.........

Talked into quitting his tree cutting down job by his old friend KCDC, Jtro returns to the FP.  With the help of a mysterious trainer whose name I don't recall nor feel the need to look him up on the IMDB trains to take down the potty mouthed L Dubba E who now controls all the booze in town.  Nobody gets drunk unless they go through the 245s.  And you know what that means.  NO DUCKS!!!  I'm serious.  That is what this movie is about.  Ultimately it is about returning ducks to the FP.  Awww, you just have to watch the bloody movie to know what I am talking about.  And that is exactly what you are going to do.  I just know it.  Watching this movie will make you the hella-coolest.  It didn't work for me but I just know it will work for you.

THE FP has the look and feeling of an old eighties movie lost to time and space.  Even though the setting is in the near future everything looks more like what somebody from the eighties would have imagined the future.  The only thing that looks remotely futuristic is the DANCE DANCE game and that doesn't look futuristic to us.  But it would if all you knew was SUPER MARIO BROS. and DUCK HUNT.  I know alot of people think of the score as John Carpenter-esque and they are right but honestly the synthonic (that is a word I just made up) mood music echoes more of some kind of Italian post-apocalyptic ROAD WARRIOR knock-off from the early eighties.  You know what I mean?  Some kind of bizarre hybrid of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and MAD MAX but with a taking motorcycle being driven by a rough looking Robert Ginty with Donald Pleasance running around being all bad and having a large dump truck called KILLDOZER trying to kill everybody.  That is the kind of movie the music of THE FP reminds me of.  Watch MST3K, folks to get my weird movie references. 

A good sense of imagination is what this movie brings to the streets, Yo.  At one point Jtro is to verse some Russian wangsta on DANCE DANCE but our hero's drink has been spiked with drugs.  Next thing you know Jtro is running from a bunch of freak zombies through the trailer park.  Then just as he is being mauled he wakes up from his drug induced nightmare and finds himself competing against the Russian on DANCE DANCE in mid dance.  It is a pretty energizing scene giving you the idea that anything can happen in this movie.  You get a sense that this is a larger movie that belongs in the theaters rather than straight to DVD.  Who cares if most of the characters are white trailer kids talking like they are a bunch of "gangstas" high on Japanese Manga.

The people who made THE FP are resourceful artisans of the craft of schlocky film.  These guys know what they are doing and can do a lot with very little.  They could probably make any kind of film they want and it would be successful with what it is trying to do.  There is a really well filmed fight at the end of the movie outside a gas station.  The camera moved and shook but didn't blur and hide the fight.  Instead they somehow managed to increase the excitement of the brawl happening before our eyes.  That's a hard thing to do.  Usually modern directors of big budget films shake and swoosh the camera about unsure of how to film their action scenes decreasing the impact of the event.  An exciting film THE FP is and I look forward to THE FP 2: ELECTRIC BTRO-GALOO.  I'm sure that is what they would call it.  Anyhoo I am off to practice my dance moves just in case a holographic TuPac magically appears in my living room and "throws down" a challenge for "street cred" on DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION.  It could happen.  We are after all living in the future now, right?  I really need to get one of those belts that light up your name on the large buckle.  Now that is what I call class.


P.S.  The Academy Award for Awesomeness should go to both Lee Valmassey and Art Hsu for their hyper energetic character portrayals of L Dubba E and KCDC.  They were most enjoyable.

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