Monday, January 28, 2013

HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS.....Hansel?...Hansel...Hansel?...

HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS is a simple but fun story.  It looks like a colorful PG-13 HARRY POTTER but you immediately see that this fairy tale is for adults.  This film has blood and guts, violent fights, gruesome spells and a woman's bare bottom.  Actually back in the 80's we would have called this a 'kids film' too but the 90's kind of ruined that.  Speaking about HARRY POTTER I wonder what would happen if Hansel and Gretel visited Hogwarts.  Now that is a film I would want to see.

The story that takes place in H&G is not a very compelling one.  Hansel and Gretel are siblings who hunt witches for a living.  It is kind of easy for them since they are immune to the spells witches cast.  They are investigating a rash of kidnappings involving a large amount of children.  Maybe it is because I watch a lot of movies but all the twists and turns the movie takes are really predictable.  For instance at the beginning a woman is accused of being a witch and is saved by the two witch hunters.  Hansel (Oh, hey its that guy from THE AVENGERS!) checks her out for the signs of being a witch and clears her but you just know she is going to turn out to be one anyway.  The whole movie is like that.  Even though there is some character development it barely registers on the screen.  The love story between Hansel and the woman he saved at the beginning is touched upon and then quickly taken away at the end without leaving much impression on the audience.  Or at least me anyway.  I am not going to speak for everybody else.  I may have a blog but my ego isn't that big.

Short on story and run time H&G succeeds at being a very entertaining bloody action adventure film.  This is not a film that compromises on the violence.  The fights are easy to follow and not too overly edited.  They kill lots of witches throughout the film especially at the end.  I will say at some points of the fighting the kickass badassery doesn't quite hit the spot due to the frantic pacing of the fights.  Some of the more golden moments are passed by too quickly rather than slowing them down or at one point showing them at all.  One of the main bad witches death is implied but not shown which I thought was weird because they have shown everything else in the film.  Why not her end as well?  Hansel points a gun at her face at point blank range and then the shot cuts away to some other stuff going on.  Not sure why.  I would have really liked to see that witch get her face blown across the room.

If you have ever wondered what a SyFy original film would look like if it had a large budget with big studio backing then HANSEL AND GRETEL is your answer.  Its a fun film that puts the majority of it's emphasis on blood and guts and not so much story.  Sometimes that is not a bad thing.  The finale with Hansel and Gretel fighting  a whole bunch of witches was very bloody and very satisfying.  This movie is rated R for a reason, folks.  When the witches appeared it made me think of the SyFy show FACE/OFF.  I wondered if their makeup challenge was used in this movie.  There are a lot of witches that come from all over the world for some ceremony.  I just wonder if there was an episode of FACE/OFF where the contestants had to make creature effects for the film.

HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS is worth a watch.  It doesn't get boring and it follows one of my horror movie rules.  If you make a zombie movie or vampire movie or in this case a witch killing movie you have to kill lots of zombies, vampires and witches.  H&G does that in an extreme over the top fun way.  If you got nothing better to do then give this movie a watch.  You should have a good time unless you are dead inside.  How sad.



  1. A bit different from the Hansel and Greta I read.


  2. I get the Bugs bunny reference man. LOL