Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Last Exorcism

So me and my girlfriend Melissa get to the theater and wait in line behind some nerd hitting on the cashier.  Apparently he is rewatching some movie that didn't do so well so he is there to support it.  All I am saying is that it better be Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.  If its Vampires Suck I am going to have to hurt him.  Ah, who am I kidding the guy could probably kick my butt.  Inside as I was getting a coke however some kid dressed like he just got back from a free shopping spree at Hot Topic was talking to one of the cashiers at the snack counter. Apparently they know each other.  Here is what was said.

Cashier:  "So what are you seeing?"

Hot Topic Kid:  "Vampires Suck for the second time."

FOR THE SECOND TIME! Seriously!  Are you kidding me?  Come on youth of America.  Is this what you guys consider cool?  Is it because you like vampire stuff and Vampires Suck has vampires in it?  Is it because you think that the whole Twilight thing is stupid and you are getting even with it by watching a completely obvious, cliche riddled unfunny but painfully tries to be movie that is geared to those who would find Camp Rock and High School Musical great entertainment?  I thought you guys were punks.  I thought maybe you guys would be into Scott Pilgrim not popularity movies like Step Up 3-D.  Do you guys even underage smoke anymore?  All your pretty colors and expensive punk clothes don't make you punks.  You guys look like BRATZ dolls.  Vampires Suck?  No, you suck.  Stop calling yourselves "Emo".  That term is for like 80's new wave or something around that time.  Not My Chemical Romance or The Used.  Remember back in the day when it was cool to know about movies like Clerks and Reservoir Dogs?  Those movies were cool and clever with a lot of imagination confined in a small budget.  They were movies that made you think and changed the way you thought about film in general.  Comedies and gangster movies were changed after that.  But now with all the great movies that could define a generation (Like Scott Pilgrim) Vampires Suck is considered a good enough movie for a BRATZ kid to go see twice and become a hit.  I am glad I am old.

Oh, yea The Last Exorcism.  Is it any good?  Yes it is.  Is it scary?  Not really.  Lets be honest here.  The trailer is a little misleading.  I rewatched the trailer after seeing the movie and they take a shot and reverse it and put it upside down to give you an impression of something that doesn't happen in the movie.  Despite not being very scary the movie does pull you in with the lead actor playing Rev. Cotton Marcus.  He is a faith healer that is a complete fraud.  He doesn't believe in demons or exorcisms.  What he does is go around preaching the bible and tricking people with fake exorcisms.  He reads in a newspaper that a boy was suffocated to death in a exorcism and that changes his life.  He too has a son and now he has a guilty conscience about what he does.  He wants a film crew to document his next fake exorcism to expose the exorcisms as fraud.  Cotton is a completely likable guy and carries your emotional involvement throughout the movie.  This movie really tries hard to be like Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity.  Both of those were extremely profitable with extremely simple concepts.  For the most part Exorcism succeeds in creating a realistic mood and creepy moments.  I believe there are a few moments where light music is added and there tend to be too many cuts in a scene which would require more than one camera which there isn't.  That kind of ruins the authentic mood a little bit but its barely noticeable. The Last Exorcism never captures any truly scary moments.  The ending is my biggest problem.  The more I think about it the more I like most of the ending.  In a clever kind of way its hilarious.  But the last image isn't as compelling, memorable or scary like Blair Witch or Paranormal.  Its just okay.

Also how are we able to see this movie?  Usually there is a fake disclaimer before a movie like this telling you some back story on how the video was discovered so you the audience are able to see it.  The story for the Blair Witch is that we are watching film that was discovered out in the woods years after the kids disappearance.  Paranormal Activity is a film recovered by the police from a murder scene.  You feel like you are watching unedited caught on film true horror.  Its like watching crime scene evidence of the paranormal.  Just the small possibility of realism captures the audience imagination.  Or at least for those who have imagination.  The Last Exorcism can't do that because of its ending.  You already know before going in to a Blair Witch style film that everyone is going to die and the only thing left is the video evidence of the characters final moments.  How was this film discovered?  Why does it still exist?  You just don't know.  I mean seriously how can you go into a movie and see lame jokes about teeny-bopper vampires being stupid with stupid jokes about purity rings.  We aren't even at the end of the whole romantic vampire movies cycle yet.  Don't these kind of spoof movies come at the end of the cycle when the movies aren't popular anymore and Hollywood has run out of ideas.  Has Hollywood run out of ideas?  Already?  You know who I blame?  Ashston Kutcher.  This is all his and his "Punked" shows fault.  Kids think stupid is cool so they are all stupid.  I can't prove it but I am sure he came up with the concept of Jersey Shore.  I can't stand that guy.  I don't even know if I spelled his name right.  I am not even going to search the Web to find out.  I just don't care.


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