Friday, January 6, 2012


INVASION U.S.A. is a movie about what not to do when invading America.  Rostov (played by Richard Lynch) is a soviet agent planning on starting a series of terrorist attacks in the good ol' U.S.A.  in a attempt to bring it down.  So what does he do to start this invasion?  Why he goes straight to Chuck Norris's living shack in the middle of the bayou and blows it up......Correct me if I am wrong but wouldn't that be the last thing you would do?  Guess what happens when you blow up Chuck Norris.  You get your butt kicked.  That is exactly what happens to Rostov.  Now to be fair I can't really blame Rostov's logic in his preemptive strike.  Rostov is plagued with nightmares of Chuck Norris kicking him in the face.  Can you imagine that?  I would probably take a shot at Chuck too if I had such nightmarish visions.  I feel kind of sorry for ya, Rosto.  Lesson learned:  Don't piss off Beardy McBeard.

In my know nothing opinion this is Chuck Norris's finest film and best acting.  He is a cold mean presence in this movie which is kind of unusual from his standard laid back generic good guys he played before this and after.  Norris has few lines but when he speaks his voice is stern, precise and barely above a whisper.  Less is more with this actor.  His one liners are pretty clever like "If you come in here again I will beat you with so many rights you will beg for a left" and "Rostov, it's time to die".  Well maybe that last one isn't so clever but it is scary especially if you are Rostov.  Chuck is a total badass running around and showing up at just the right time and in just the right place to shoot bad guys with his two Uzis and knife them in the hand to get them to talk.  He even has a duel with Rostov with rocket launchers.  It can't get more badass than that!

INVASION U.S.A. is a very tight script rushing to the action scenes with little time to develop the characters or generate a boring love interest.  Most action films have some woman running around with the protagonist for no reason other than to have a pointless love interest.  INVASION does have a woman reporter that comes in from time to time to raise questions or show up conveniently in a car so Norris can take over the wheel and pursue fleeing bad guys.  But before any level of love interest can develop the script brushes her aside in favor of more Norris gunning down baddies or blowing them up with their own bombs.  Good stuff.  Even at the end after Rostov is completely obliterated the movie just ends on a shot of a victorious Chuck Norris.  There isn't even a scene where Norris emerges from the building to a crowd of reporters and police.  Pushing past them only to stop at the smiling sexy reporter who says "Can I have that exclusive now?" for which he replies "ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE!"...I mean he says "Here is you exclusive." and then kisses her.  None of that here.  This movie follows the HAMMER STUDIOS rule :  When the monster is dead the movie is over.

Another thing to note is how extremely violent INVASION U.S.A. is.  Civilians die by the boat load.  I would dare argue that more innocent people die than bad guys.  The violence itself can be rather extreme too.  Rostov has a tendency to shoot guys in the balls and even smashes some chick snorting coke face down to where her straw is shoved straight up her nose.  Screaming bloody murder she is violently  thrown through a window.  Yikes.  One scene has a young couple making out on a deserted beach at night.  In horror movie fashion a bad guy creeps up and murders them then smiles at something funny going on the screen of the portable t.v. the couple brought with them on the beach.  Rostov shows up in a quiet neighborhood street during Christmas time and starts blowing up family houses with a magical bazooka that never needs to be reloaded.  What a bad dude.  I do need to get me one of those magical bazookas though.

If you are interested in getting into Chuck Norris films then I would highly recommend this one.  I haven't seen all of his work yet but I gotta admit he hasn't done very many good ones.  Most of his are guilty pleasures at best.  INVASION can be one of those too but I think as an action movie this one is excellent.  It could have been way cheesier to the point of DEADLY PREY silliness.  It came close with that magical bazooka yet somehow the film manages to retain it's serious tone.  I think the thanks for keeping the film in line is Chuck's cold demeanor and the brutal violence that is spread throughout usually perpetrated by the excellent Richard Lynch playing Rostov.  Maybe it is a stupid film but I think that the film delivers the goods and more so.  ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE!


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