Tuesday, December 17, 2013


I am not one of those guys who reads books and, you know, learns new stuff.  I never claim that the book is better even though we all know nine times out of ten it is.  What I am trying to say is I don't judge a movie based on the book.  Just because the book is better doesn't mean the movie is bad just because it did something different with the source material.  I say that because I love the LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY.  I loved the first THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY.  I find little to fault.  If there is anything to fault it can be easily ignored with no sense of compromise on how I view films.  I can't say that for the over bloated, overly long for no reason other than to create another trilogy THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG.

I complained when they took the books THE HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS, THE TWILIGHT BOOK 4 and now MOCKING JAY and split them into two movies.  Obviously it was to squeeze every dime out of a popular franchise that was coming to an end.  The result was a not so great HARRY POTTER movie and an even worse than usual THE TWILIGHT.  Who knows right now if THE HUNGER GAMES will add a not so great movie in their series which has been very solid so far.  I did not complain when they announced that THE HOBBIT was going to be divided into three films.  The reason for my hypocrisy is that I trusted Peter Jackson and I like the idea of movies that would no doubtfully explore and expand the world of Middle Earth.  How cool, right?  After the first HOBBIT film I was assured of another great trilogy in league with LOTR.  AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY took its time.  It set a mood.  It had remarkable scenes that I can remember and most importantly of all it blended well into the original trilogy.  DESOLATION, however, would better fit in the STAR WARS prequels with it's heavy dependence on computer graphics and zany cartoony adventure scenes.

How many times do we need to see our band of merry dwarfs get captured just to start a new scene?  Time after time they are captured or are about to be killed by orcs, spiders or fresh ideas when all of a sudden in swoop the pretty elves shooting arrows at just the right time to save the day.  It happens at least three times.  I was starting to experience deja vu.  The adventure scenes are not necessary and for some reason feel the need to out due the previous one.  My only real complaint about UNEXPECTED JOURNEY was the escape from the goblin king.  It became a roller coaster ride that transformed the film into a cartoon.  DESOLATION goes far beyond that.  Have you ever noticed in kids films nowadays that every few minutes the film feels like it needs to catapult the main characters into a high flying, zippidy-doo-da, bounce around everywhere chase or adventure scene just to keep the kiddies interested?  That happens a bunch-ola in the second HOBBIT movie.  The adventure scenes involve water toboggan, platform jumping, hanging off ropes and swinging around constantly out of control, dodging arrows and spiders and so forth.  The adventure/action scenes go on and on exhausting my brain until it hurts from sensory overload.  I got the sensation I was watching a video game more than a film.  I swear that the elf guy from LORD OF THE RINGS jumps on two dwarfs' heads firing arrows while they are in barrels going down stream.  Is this SUPER MARIO BROTHERS?  At one point a barrel goes rolling along the river bank knocking down hundreds of orcs in a line just like Mario kicking a turtle shell through a bunch of Koopas racking up points until the dingle-lingy sound proclaims a new life.  It just gets really stupid, folks.

By the end of the film you wonder even though three hours have gone by with much left to be accomplished if the film would continue or stop so we can wait next year to see the finish.  After awhile you begin to wonder if they should have titled the film THE HOBBIT 2: THE NEVERENDING STORY.  Thankfully after a bunch of crazy zany adventure crap happened with nothing accomplished the second Hobbit film ended.  That is not a good sign when you want a film to end just so you can go home.  While the movie does explore a little bit more of Middle Earth and has some good character moments to prevent the movie from being totally bad not much really happens when all is said and done.  THE HOBBIT part 2 was just repetitious filler.  It could easily have been a hour and a half film that ended the HOBBIT movies and still be very good.  But no, nowadays every big movie has to be a trilogy unless it bombs like THE LONE RANGER.

Word of advice, folks.  For those of you seeing this in the theater be sure not to drink anything before you go in if you know what I mean.  At least I didn't and my bladder thanked me for it.  Of course others were drinking twenty minutes before the movie started and they had no problem not going to the bathroom.  Huh?  Maybe I should go see a doctor.....Nah!



  1. fist in the air... damn. you sure don't like our sponsors do you....
    kidding, i enjoy your honest reviews... that is why i am commenting here... wink!

  2. wait... what???? They're splitting Mocking Jay too?