SPOOKIES! Remember this one?

"Hey, look at that giant mansion in the middle of nowhere that somebody may or may not be living in that has a cemetery for a front yard.  Let's go inside through the front doors and party."  If you are riding around pointlessly through the countryside and one of your friends says that, be sure you punch him (or her) in the head because it is exactly that kind of logic that gets a group of twenty somethings (more like thirty somethings by the look of them) dead in the movie SPOOKIES.

I am not sure if there really is a plot to SPOOKIES.  What I understand is that there is this old man wizard (played by Mr. Burns?) that has a line down the middle of his forehead that pulses up and down when he does magic type stuff.  He probably does it sometimes just to be gross too but that is none of my buisness.  The wizard's name is Kreon (pronounced crayon?) and he has a dead wife that he wants to resurrect from the dead.  The only way he can do that is by capturing peoples' souls who die in his mansion.  Along comes some "friends" that decide to stay in the seemingly abandoned house where they end up getting trapped inside.  Surrounded by zombies from the outside our twenty somethings decide to split up and roam the house pointlessly allowing themselves to be killed off one by one by the mansion's strange assortment of creatures.  Apparently the wizard wants them killed off in a creative fashion for his amusement.  The wife however wakes up early for some reason and doesn't like being brought back so she herself tries to escape her evil wizard husband.  At least that is what I think is going on in this mid-to-late eighties creature feature.

I saw this movie back in the early nineties when I was really young on the USA NETWORK one Saturday morning after all the good cartoons were over.  I had a hard time trying to find any information on this movie.  I did try finding it on IMDB but apparently I was typing in "THE CREEPIES" even though I knew the correct word was "SPOOKIES".  I am what you would call an idiot.  Thankfully I found a copy of it and I was finally able to watch it to see if it was any good.  I didn't think I would but I ended up really liking this FX heavy B-movie production.  Sure the acting sucks and things don't make much sense but there is a tremendous amount of effort put into this movie.  The FX are not too bad and are kind of fun.  The monsters themselves range from simple gremlin hand puppets to larger  people size monsters.  There is one monster that shoots this tentacle around this lady's throat electrocuting her and melting face.  I think it was absorbing her or something gross.  It was really cool though.  Then the "funny" guy of the group who apparently likes bringing his hand puppet around to pick up chicks follows this woman around who turns into a giant spider that sucks his body dry in an instant.  The FX can be a little silly too.  At one point there is this flying ghost banshee thing that is waving it's arms all crazy and if you pause the movie just right you can see one of the puppeteers hands holding one of the arms.  Good times.  The banshee thing looks like a Halloween decoration you can get at SPENCERS.  I think they did a good job with the monsters though.  I was impressed.  The Grim Reaper makes an appearance too.  Did you know that if you throw the Grim Reaper off a one story ledge it will explode?  Its true.

SPOOKIES is an effectively shot film.  A lot of the shots particularly of the mansion with the cemetery for a front yard are extremely memorable.  The moment when the "funny" guy meets the Spider Lady she is mostly concealed in shadow allowing only her eyes to be visible.  It is an eerie moment because you know the spider is leading the fly into a trap.  You know something bad is about to go down and you are not quite sure that you want to see it.  The spider transformation was actually pretty good too.  SPOOKIES is a spooky film despite its short comings.  I am not for sure but I think the makers of this film built a bigger movie around an unfinished short film called TWISTED SOULS.  At least that is what I gathered from IMDB.  The movie has three directors credited two of which are credited for TWISTED.  You can barely tell that this is two movies combined into one.  The movie has a weird atmosphere to it.  It is an American production but it feels and looks more like an Italian horror movie.  It is hard for me too explain.  There is a dream like quality to SPOOKIES.  Its a colorful film with strange visuals broken by bickering characters that don't seem to be friends at all.  It is a weird combination.  It all works though in a cheesy, fun but spooky way.  Just watch it for yourselves and see if you agree.

You know what movie SPOOKIES reminds me of most?  CABIN IN THE WOODS.  Its basically the same premise.  A bunch of kids are killed off by an assortment of different monsters for the amusement of some supernatural guy.  I wonder if this film was an inspiration for Joss Whedon.  Its possible.  If you like horror movies and you want to see something that is fun, imaginative and pretty stupid I highly recommend this film.  I know that this is one of those movies that has a lot to forgive but I think that is another reason why the film is so good.  Cheesy is good sometimes.  The only thing I will complain about is that constantly through the film seemingly every other shot is on this blue Nightcrawler looking werewolf Igor looking dude with a hooked hand.  He runs around ensuring that no one escapes by locking doors behind people when they are trying to runaway from the monsters.  There are way too many shots of this guy running around spying on everybody.  It gets kind of annoying.  But everything else I am going to over look.  I had a fun time watching this film remembering all the moments I saw back when I was a kid.  Back then this movie scared me.  Man, was I a wuss.

Jason

EXPENDABLES 2 IS THE BEST MOVIE OF 2012!!!....Prob-Probably.

I realize that I had some pretty low expectations for EXPENDABLES 2 so maybe this movie isn't as great as I think it is.  Maybe after a few more hundred viewings I will see the flaws and missed opportunities that usually come with an expensive high dollar action movie boasting such a wonderful cast.  Just to be safe I lowered the amount of exclamation points at the end of my title to this blog entry to just three instead of ten.  This movie does have a strange small controversy surrounding the original rating for the film.  Stallone himself did say that this was going to be a PG-13 style film but that Van Damme's performance was so awesome that no one would care.  That statement was later denied completely and pretended by Stallone himself to have never been said reassuring us that this was going to be an uncompromising violent film pushing the R rating.  I took that as they filmed for a PG-13 but panicked after nerd backlash (myself included) and pushed for R.  Thank goodness you can C.G.I. blood easily onto digitally filmed movies.  With all that said I can say that EXPENDABLES 2 was blast-tastic.  It was a bloody good time.  It was an action movie fans dream come true.  I really thought the whole movie was really really neat.


EXPENDABLES 2 is about Stallone's crew on the hunt for Van Damme and his personal military force known as the Sang.  What was originally a short mission retrieving plans from a crashed plane quickly turns personal when one of their own dies at the hands (or should I say feet, ha-ha?) of Van Damme.  After watching the trailers I was pretty sure I knew how this film story wise would play out.  I knew who would die and why there was a woman now a part of the crew.  Well thankfully EXPENDABLES 2 threw me a curve ball.  I was wrong.  Way wrong which in this case was a good thing.  The movie is a little unpredictable slightly in that respect.  Most of the time you can call it before it happens.  But that's no big deal.  They try to give you a little surprise at the beginning but you can see it coming a mile away.  But maybe that is just me.  Maybe I watch way too many movies gaining way too much knowledge on how films play on audiences expectations.  Maybe I should stop writing this nonsensical review and go outside and live life to it's fullest..........But there are spiders outside so on I go with this way too positive review.

This movie moves quickly.  In my head I remember it being one extremely long action sequence.  Really though there are some quiet moments here and there to reflect a little on these characters personalities.  The action is filmed fast and sometimes it looks really good but then other times because so much is going on at once it is kind of hard to tell who is doing what to who.  Once I thought I was watching Randy Couture beat the crap out of some guy in heavy shadow but it turned out once the fight moved into daylight that I was actually watching Terry Crewes.  The two were wearing the same hat making their dark silhouettes almost identical.  Overall though all the action scenes were great even if the majority of them were filmed in basic American Acton Movie Style.  Meaning we get shots of good guys firing guns cutting to reaction shots of bad guys who have a strange aversion to taking cover falling down dead.  At least the body count is high.  Very high.  Like probably in the hundreds high.  That's a good action movie, folks.  There are some moments where I think that they really were aiming for a PG-13.  There isn't that much blood for one thing.  It looks like it was all added in post which the first one was but you don't have a lot of guys getting blown into pieces or major decapitations by big knives and such.  At one point Jet Li grabs two frying pans and starts fighting a few guys because he lost his weapons or whatever.  Its a good moment yet I was reminded of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 2: SECRET OF THE OOZE where the Turtles stopped using their weapons and started fighting with yo-yo's and other stupid toys to try and appeal to the too stupid to know what TMNT is all about demographic.  EXPENDABLES 2 doesn't go that crazy but it just made me wonder what they were originally shooting for.

Its really cool to see Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis and Chuck Norris fighting side by side.  Their appearances are a little more than simple one scene cameos.  Seeing these guys together is the best thing about this movie.  It is a moment that deserves some reflection.  Who would have ever thought such a movie could be made?  It is kind of a dangerous thing.  I am surprised the universe didn't implode somehow at the epic oddity of Chuck Norris saying a "CHUCK NORRIS FACT".  Just be careful, EXPENDABLES 2 is all I am saying.  I was afraid his acting would suck or be not as good as the others but Norris did a good job.  As soon as Schwarzenegger, Stallone and Willis are together the movie can't resist but start throwing out their classic one liners back and forth.  Thankfully the movie doesn't descend too far into the tongue-in-cheek territory.  They seem to do it to make fun of themselves and their past persona's.  I guess EXPENDABLES 2 isn't just an action movie but a post-modern action movie similar to ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.  It is an action movie about these guys' past action movies.  That is kind of cool when you think about it.  Another bad thing about getting these three guys together is that the rest of the Expendables take a backseat to the film's focus.  Suddenly at the end the movie seems to be more about them than the core crew of the Expendables.  Yes, even Dolph Lundgren takes a backseat.  Speaking of Dolph I am so glad to see that he is in the entire film.  He is a lot of fun and I would have liked to see more of his interaction with Jet Li.  These two have a unique chemistry together.  I hope they explore it more in EXPENDABLES 3: NOW WE ARE JUST PUSHING IT.  I just hope in the next one if there is one that Segal at least makes an appearance and they bring back Scott Adkins as another character to represent the future of action stars. It is neat to see Adkins and his mentor Van Damme together fighting side by side.

I like that there is a solemn attitude towards death in this film even if it is highly hypocritical.  These guys encountered all kinds of horrors in battle and you can see it on their faces as they reflect on there past when Chris Hemsworth (who plays a young sniper new to the team) starts talking about his past experiences in the Afghanistan war.  Yet the Expendables have smiles on their faces and cracking jokes as they gun down hundreds of bad guys.  Gee, it sure looks like war is fun to them.  Why so glum, chum?  I think having this attitude or acknowledgement of the consequences of violence keeps the movie from becoming a light hearted action comedy.  We don't want another DOUBLE TEAM on our hands here.

For me EXPENDABLES 2 was better than the first one.  I was surprised, excited and relieved that the whole film didn't seem like a watered down bland mess.  It was a near perfect action movie accomplishing what it set out to do.  You can include this one in your conversation as to what are the greatest action movies of all time are.  This one belongs somewhere in the top ten.  Bring on BULLET TO THE HEAD and THE LAST STAND.


BTW:  Second best thing about EXPENDABLES 2?  No SHINEDOWN song to cast a stain on the whole film.


Jason

DOLPH LUNDGREN'S THE PUNISHER is highly underrated because I say so.

THE PUNISHER starring Dolph Lundgren is the second best Punisher film out of the three.  Much maligned by critics and the nerds this action packed comic book movie maybe far from the source material but I say take a closer look.  Is it really?  Is it really as bad as the nerdos on the Internet say it is?  I say this Punisher film is a better made and smarter movie than most action movies in general.......And by "smarter" I mean this movie does what it is suppose to do better than most action movies.

The story, simply put, is about the Punisher getting mixed up in a gang war between the mafia and the Japanese Yakuza.  The Yakuza are as cutthroat as they come killing any and all that get in their way including Peter Bear who apparently "really cares".  After five years of killing mobsters the major crime families unite to stop themselves from killing each other.  Unfortunately for them the Yakuza see their weakness and move in on the mobs territory.  Unfortunately for the Yakuza however, that territory happens to be the hunting grounds of the Punisher.  Whoops.

As an action movie DL's THE PUNISHER is either ahead of its time or the last of the truly great action films before everything went PG-13 emphasising the spectacle over violent action.  There are plenty of scenes of bad guys getting shot up, stabbed, and ran over.  They are all filmed well capturing the excitement of the violence with well choreographed shoot'em up fight scenes.  Often the action flows fast with longer than usual continuous shots similar to a John Woo style action piece.  Heck, even the car chase scene was exciting.  It can get wonderfully excessive too like the early eighties action films.  There is a part where the Punisher and crime boss Gianni Franco (Jerden Krabbe) emerge from an open elevator and begin machine gunning the crapola out of about twenty guards that were armed with nothing but swords.  I know a lot of you nerdos out there think you look cool swinging your samurai swords around and all but a sword isn't going to do much but make you look stupid when a gun is pointed right at you.  The scene reminded me a bit of the kill'em all and make it look easy ending to COMMANDO.  A high body count is always welcome in a Punisher film and Dolph's does it right.

Comic book movie wise THE PUNISHER loses it's 'Street Cred' with the source material.  I only say that because gone is the trademark white Punisher Skull glowing from his chest.  MARVEL wouldn't allow it.  Whatever.  I do feel that the look of the film itself looks very close to the early days of the Punisher comic.  Neither were too colorful with a slight grey overtone.  I don't think this was done on purpose.  It was probably an accident or I am completely wrong and I don't know what I am talking about which seems more probable.  I also like that this isn't an origin story and the Punisher isn't out for revenge even though the majority of guys he kills belong to the crime organization that was responsible for the death of his family.  So there are a couple of things that DL's THE PUNISHER gets right.  I appreciate that.  Oh, and there are ninjas too just like in the comic.  In case you didn't know it was a ninja who killed Microchip's son.  Sadly Microchip does not appear in this Punisher.  They replaced him with a drunk, out of work, homeless thespian (actor) who has a tendency to speak in rhyme.  I actually like this character even though he can be seen as an annoyance.  He serves as the Punisher's informant.  He is the 'funny' character that doesn't belong in any action film.  But he didn't really bother me too much.  I will give him a pass.  That will be my one good deed for the day.

Lady Tanaka (Kim Miyori) is the crime boss of the Yakuza.  They don't get much more eviler than her.  She is bloody brilliant.  As a tremendously strong presence in the film she comes across as unstoppable and superior to all around her.  Her appearance in the film along with her small army of ninjas raise the bar in villainy.  In fact the crime boss Gianni Franco who is a badass himself has to team up with the Punisher who has been trying to kill him the past five years just to come close to bringing her down.  When it comes to movie comic book villains she has to be one of the best and baddest.  Its too bad none of the know-nothing-nerdos out there will ever give her credit because she doesn't shoot laser beams or control metal or whatever the bad guys in comic book movies are doing these days. 

I know the opening credits at the beginning of the film look a little cheap with the same shot of the Dolph turning around and shooting glass figures of criminals and ninjas.  They reuse the same shot over and over again.  It's not too creative but give the movie a break.  Let it do what a good Punisher film does.  Kill lots of the guilty violently as possible.  This is a great movie and one of Dolph Lundgren's best action movies.  He does a great job portraying the solemn tortured and sometimes naked Frank Castle.  Unfortunately he does have some stupid lines trying to be a wiseguy in the face of certain doom.  There is a part where the Punisher is being tortured on a table that stretches him out by his arms and legs.  Lady Tanaka asks a question for which the Punisher responds "Is the answer True/False or Multiple choice?"  Terrible.  Just terrible.  Save the comedy for the professionals, Dolph.  Yea, I know he didn't write it but he is tough enough to punch the writer in the face and make him change the dialague is all I am saying.  I love this movie.  I don't think it gets the credit it deserves.  Watch it and see for yourselves.

Oh, and Academy Award winner Louis Gossett Jr. is in this movie too.  I guess I should mention that as well...................*cough*.


Jason

DEATH GRIP: A must watch for kung-fu movie lovers!

DEATH GRIP is a great example of what talented people can do with so very little.  This is a kung-fu movie that mixes high velocity action scenes with imaginative sometimes funny character moments.  This is a character driven story.  It may not seem like much at first but give it about ten minutes.  Things just get better and better.  I think I discovered this movie on Twitch Film.  There was a clip of two guys duking it out in high speed fashion.  I was hooked.  I couldn't believe this was a low budget film.  It certainly didn't seem like it watching this fight unfold.  These guys were fast and it really looked like they were hurting each other.  I was getting worn out watching our hero go blow for blow with some guy with knives.  That's not a big deal I guess.  I get winded just sitting down and turning on the television.

The story is about Kenny (Eric Jacobus) and his brother Mark (played by Zach Galifianakis.  Nah, I'm just messin with ya.  He is actually played by a very talented Nathan Hoskins.) who get mixed up with some cult who want a silver coin that was paid to Judas for the betrayal of Christ.  Cults are always fun to punch in the face.  Mark is autistic but he is a genius with combinations and unlocking locks.  It is that gift that gets him and his brother Kenny involved with a museum heist.  The bad guys end up capturing Mark and a museum worker named Rindy played by Rebecca Ahn.  What kind of name is Rindy?  Maybe IMDB messed up the name.  Rindy?  Now Kenny has to go save them and punch the bad guys in the face very very hard.

DEATH GRIP is similar in it's story structure to more of a classic Hong Kong style martial arts film.  There is a blend of bloody serious violence, strong character drama and light hearted comedy as well as some dark comedy.  There is a mix of emotions throughout the film and that is DEATH GRIP's biggest strength.  It isn't easy doing something like that.  There is a balance that sometimes doesn't work shaking up the tone of a film to unwatchable proportions.  Eric Jacobus gets this.  He isn't making your typical martial arts film.  The elements at play go hand in hand delivering a unique and wonderful movie watching experience.  There is a lot to appreciate here.  By the end of the film you have grown to love our two heroes and ultimately its not fast fists or high kicks that save the day.  Its a brother's love.  I'm getting all teary eyed just writing that last sentence.  Another unique thing about DEATH GRIP is how the director plays with audience expectations.  Throughout the film we see Kenny kicking serious butt only to back track and show that the badassery that took place before our eyes was only happening in the character's head.  Now normally I would say not to do that but it is incorporated in such a clever way that you can help but laugh and have a good time when it happens.  At times Kenny will get punched in the face or beaten to a pulp because he was caught at the moment day dreaming when he should have been "opening a can of whoop ass."  What is going on in the movie doesn't stop just because our hero drifts off into his imagination.

The fights are phenomenal.  Eric Jacobus not only stars but also directs DEATH GRIP.  He and his Stunt People crew understand how to perfectly shoot and execute a fighting scene.  These guys have it down to a science.  There are no wires or fast edits mixed with excessive shaky cam.  We see everything in sometimes long continuous takes.  The fights are fast and they leave a lasting impact.  You can tell what is happening.  I wish I knew kung-fu.  All I know when confronted with a fight is how to hide under some coats and hope that somehow everything will work itself out okay.  One fight reminded me of the hallway fight in OLDBOY.  Kenny is fighting a bunch of guys and the fight is a little sloppy like in real life and he is beating up these cult members and they are beating him up at the same time ending with them all jumping on top of him.  If you don't like anything about this film at least you can say that the fights are awesome.  They are way better than the fights you would see in a Bourne film or any other big budgeted mainstream film. 

Movies like DEATH GRIP need to be supported.  The acting is solid with some nice performances from the villains as well as our heroes.  I would like to see Eric Jacobus in more action films.  He has a strong screen presence and he knows how to kick butt.  I hope in the future he does more films but next time the truly badass moments do not take place in the character's imagination.  He could be the next Tony Jaa if he plays his cards right.  Maybe we will see him next in THE EXPENDABLES 3.  If you want to impress your friends when throwing down knowledge of great kung-fu flicks mention DEATH GRIP.  You will be the coolest in your world of cinematic Nerdom.  Watch it with the commentary on for some good insights and funny moments between stars Eric Jacobus and Rebecca Ahn.

Buy it here, folks. 

Jason

DIRTY LAUNDRY: THOMAS JANE'S PUNISHER SHORT FILM

So the Punisher wakes up in the back of his van from a nightmare of his family being murdered.  The event still haunts him.  He gets out and goes to the laundry mat while hoods doing "hood rat things with their friends" show up and start harassing some hookers.  The leader of this gang takes one to a back alley and rapes her.  Her screams can be heard but the Punisher ignores them and goes about his business.  Then some kid shows up and the gang starts harassing him and begins to beat him up.  Punisher ignores this and goes to a convenient store where he meets Ron Pearlman in a wheelchair.  They have a discussion about bad things going on around them.  We learn that the Punisher isn't the Punisher anymore he has quit the Punishing business.  "Six months sober," he says.  But unable to stand it anymore the Punisher becomes the Punisher once again by buying a bottle of Wild Turkey Whiskey.  Then he heads out to the street where he proceeds to beat to death all the punks with his newly purchased alcohol beverage.  The Punisher is back!  Sort of....

Did I like it?  Yes and no.  I like Thomas Jane but to me Ray Stevenson is THE PUNISHER.  Thomas Jane looks like Thomas Jane.  Ray isn't as big of a star so he better fits the role.  It is easier to imagine a "no name" rather than a big star.  Stardom has a tendency to overshadow the character making the film more about the actor.  See every Tom Cruise movie ever made for example.  DIRTY LAUNDRY asks and answers rather nicely the question "What is the difference between punishment and justice?"  I won't spoil that part of the film.  There is some depth to this short.  The movie starts off slow and I began to lose interest immediately but I stuck with it for the uber-violent finale.  The violence is bloody and excessive which is a good thing.  That is what we want to see.  Bones are broke with ease protruding from the skin.  Brains are blown again the wall in C.G.I. fashion but it still good.  Overall a nice ending.

But the whole film feels awkward like Thomas Janes' THE PUNISHER.  I just don't see Jane as THE PUNISHER.  There is too much talk and I don't believe that the Punisher would be retired.  Does this short take place six months after the movie where he said he would spend his life punishing the wicked?  Or has he been killing for awhile and just decided to quit?  Why?  It is kind of hard for me to accept that the Punisher would allow a woman to be raped and do nothing about it.  I don't think he would stand back for two seconds while some kid was about to get wasted either.  I don't care if he is retired.  There is one bad part during the fight where the lead hoodie has a gun on the Punisher and the kid jumps on his leg saving the Punisher from certain death.  The Punisher was saved by some brat?  That doesn't sound like the Punisher I know.  I don't know.  This whole short film feels like a step back in the wrong direction.

I think it is kind of cool that Thomas Jane has put so much effort into generating interest in a new Punisher film. (Starring him of course)  Problem is I want another Ray Stevenson Punisher.  I get sick and tired of people saying they haven't made a Punisher film that has gotten it right.  That is a bunch of bull.  WAR ZONE did it right.  It did it perfectly.  If you can't see that then you don't know the Punisher.

I will admit that while I admire Jane for going out of his way to try and make another Punisher film happen I do get a weird creepy vibe from this whole production.  It reminds me of Sean Young when she wanted to be Catwoman in BATMAN RETURNS.  She showed up on a talk show dressed like Catwoman and played in character.  I heard she showed up to parties that Tim Burton was attending dressed like the Cat trying to get his attention.  Weird.  I am not going to say that Thomas Jane is that weird but I can't help but think of Sean Young when I watch this short.  DIRTY LAUNDRY is a good effort and a nice companion to Thomas Janes' heavily flawed Punisher film.  I just hope beyond reason that this ignites interest in another Ray Stevenson Punisher film.  Hopefully we get the same director from WAR ZONE too.  Not bloody likely but a nerd can dream, can't he?

BTW I do understand that by over analyzing a fan short film that I have to turn in my "Not A Virgin Anymore" card rendering me back down to "I'm A Virgin" status.  Whoops.  It was totally worth it......I think.

Jason

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES underwhelms......

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES aims to be RETURN OF THE KING with its grand scale visuals and big battle in the streets with an army of cops charging an army of crooks.   The story heads to an epic conclusion for the Batman.  Things are going to end either good or badly.  But ultimately it slips a bit with its story execution and surprisingly lackluster direction.  I expected a near perfect film with the mistakes from the past  ironed out.  But, no.  There actually seems to be even more.  DKR isn't a bad movie.  It isn't a major disappointment.  But it could have been so much better.  It's strange to see such a big movie with great talent behind and in front of the camera flounder and mostly miss the emotional beats of the film.  This one mostly misses the mark.  Mostly.

The story involves Batman fighting to save Gotham from Bane and his devoted mercenaries.  There are good character moments throughout the film that keep DKR from crashing and burning into Van Helsing craptacularness territory.  Gordon is really good dealing with the conflict of having to praise Harvey Dent the guy who almost killed his son just to give Gotham their hero.  It's a small part of the story but it adds significant weight to a way over the top exaggerated plot.  Anne Hathaway as Catwoman was surprisingly great and one of the best additions to this Batman Trilogy.  Her scenes stand out from all the rest and I kind of wish she was in the previous instalments of this franchise.  She makes everything better and it is kind of cool watching her fight side by side with Batman.  Bane is a large scary beast.  He presents Batman with his most menacing foe ever.  Joesph Gordon Levitt is always good in everything he does.  This movie is no exception.  I like Christian Bale as Batman and he has some good drama with Michael Caine.  THE DARK KNIGHT RISES takes some good character risks and breaks the mold for how a Batman movie should end.  There is a lot to like.  But there is a lot to dislike too.  Alot!

First Batman's voice still sucks.  That hasn't changed and neither has his lisp.  Instead of saying "citizen" he says "citi-shin".  Yikes.  Bane's voice kind of suckolas too.  He sounds like Sean Connery.  I swear if Sean Connery was possessed by the Devil it would sound like Bane.  It's kind of off putting and it makes it hard to tell what he is saying most of the time.  Its almost comical and out of place.  I noticed in THE DARK KNIGHT that there were times that it was hard to hear what everyone was saying.  It would be small moments but they happened every now and then.  In THE DARK KNIGHT RISES that happens in almost every scene especially if Bane is present.  For the most part those kind of flaws don't really bother me.  It is easy for me to forgive.  You have to be very forgiving if you are a horror fan.  My biggest problem with this movie is how tepid and mediocre almost every scene is.  There are not too many memorable scenes in THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.  The fights between Bane and Batman are unimpressive.  None of the punches seem to have any impact on the audience.  Watch THE RAID.  Every punch, kick and slam is so visually compelling that you can almost feel the impact.  That is not the case in DKR.  But its not just those fight scenes.  Catwoman kicks some butt too big time but the choreography is slow despite her being so quick.  No one seems to get hurt.  Yeah, the bad guys fall down and don't get back up but you never feel like they just got their butts kicked.  Oh, well at least you can tell what is going on.  Gone are the days of the BATMAN BEGINS shaky blurry whooshy cam.

From the very beginning of the film where Bane appears on a plane faking the death of a doctor and killing a bunch of C.I.A. guys to about half way through the film there is this unshakable blandness to everything that is happening on screen.  Only on occasion do you feel emotionally tied to what is going on.  The thrills never thrill.  The fights never impress.  Things do get better despite the strange plot of Bane taking over the city trapping Gotham's police force underground for three months.  I like the way the movie ends.  I know the nerdo's out there will be pissed with that and some of the representations of the comic book villains.  Come on, guys.  A movie is limited with a run time.  It can't spend years and years establishing long story arches and character motivations like comic books can with unlimited issues that never fully end their stories.

It took awhile but I did end up enjoying THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.  It has strange problems but it does get better.  I would have like to see more Batman in this Batman movie.  He doesn't use enough gadgets and he barely does his whole detective thing.  He does fly around in a U.F.O. which is pretty cool but it kind of reminds me of a flying Transformer or something.  The ending is good I just wish the rest of the movie matched it's level of awesomeness.  Maybe if I watch it a second time I will like it more.  But I doubt it.

Jason

THE FP!!!

THE FP is a fun romp set in the near future where street gangs fight for "street cred" by versing each other in DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION.  This is a comedy that takes the silly premise and plays it straight face.  Its dry humor that is electrified by insane energetic performances and wildly creative (or not so depending on your definition of "creative") verbal slams.  This is a genuinely funny movie.  By the end I was left speechless.  I am still unable to convey the words of how awesome this movie is.  THE FP deceived me with the DANCE DANCE into thinking this was going to be an ultra modern hip film for the young kiddies of today.  But no, this film is for the old bastards such as myself who love retro eighties films and hate the youth of today.Verbally intense THE FP never slows down.  I don't remember a part where I suddenly lost interest and started thinking about all the people I hate wishing upon a star that something bad would happen to them.  Thanks, THE FP for keeping me out of hell a little bit longer.

Btro is the leader of the 248s.  He starts the movie by manning up and versing the leader of the 245s, L Dubba E in a game of DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION.  That is how you throw down and gain street cred in the near future of Frazier Park.  (That is what "FP" stands for.  I just found that out by reading the back of the Blu-Ray)  There to cheer him on is his close as a brother friend, Jtro. Suddenly during the epic battle of extreme feet prancing Btro up and dies losing the match and crushing the 248's respect, you know what I am sayin?  Devastated Jtro leaves the 248 and vows never to DANCE DANCE ever again.

1 year later.........

Talked into quitting his tree cutting down job by his old friend KCDC, Jtro returns to the FP.  With the help of a mysterious trainer whose name I don't recall nor feel the need to look him up on the IMDB trains to take down the potty mouthed L Dubba E who now controls all the booze in town.  Nobody gets drunk unless they go through the 245s.  And you know what that means.  NO DUCKS!!!  I'm serious.  That is what this movie is about.  Ultimately it is about returning ducks to the FP.  Awww, you just have to watch the bloody movie to know what I am talking about.  And that is exactly what you are going to do.  I just know it.  Watching this movie will make you the hella-coolest.  It didn't work for me but I just know it will work for you.

THE FP has the look and feeling of an old eighties movie lost to time and space.  Even though the setting is in the near future everything looks more like what somebody from the eighties would have imagined the future.  The only thing that looks remotely futuristic is the DANCE DANCE game and that doesn't look futuristic to us.  But it would if all you knew was SUPER MARIO BROS. and DUCK HUNT.  I know alot of people think of the score as John Carpenter-esque and they are right but honestly the synthonic (that is a word I just made up) mood music echoes more of some kind of Italian post-apocalyptic ROAD WARRIOR knock-off from the early eighties.  You know what I mean?  Some kind of bizarre hybrid of ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and MAD MAX but with a taking motorcycle being driven by a rough looking Robert Ginty with Donald Pleasance running around being all bad and having a large dump truck called KILLDOZER trying to kill everybody.  That is the kind of movie the music of THE FP reminds me of.  Watch MST3K, folks to get my weird movie references. 

A good sense of imagination is what this movie brings to the streets, Yo.  At one point Jtro is to verse some Russian wangsta on DANCE DANCE but our hero's drink has been spiked with drugs.  Next thing you know Jtro is running from a bunch of freak zombies through the trailer park.  Then just as he is being mauled he wakes up from his drug induced nightmare and finds himself competing against the Russian on DANCE DANCE in mid dance.  It is a pretty energizing scene giving you the idea that anything can happen in this movie.  You get a sense that this is a larger movie that belongs in the theaters rather than straight to DVD.  Who cares if most of the characters are white trailer kids talking like they are a bunch of "gangstas" high on Japanese Manga.

The people who made THE FP are resourceful artisans of the craft of schlocky film.  These guys know what they are doing and can do a lot with very little.  They could probably make any kind of film they want and it would be successful with what it is trying to do.  There is a really well filmed fight at the end of the movie outside a gas station.  The camera moved and shook but didn't blur and hide the fight.  Instead they somehow managed to increase the excitement of the brawl happening before our eyes.  That's a hard thing to do.  Usually modern directors of big budget films shake and swoosh the camera about unsure of how to film their action scenes decreasing the impact of the event.  An exciting film THE FP is and I look forward to THE FP 2: ELECTRIC BTRO-GALOO.  I'm sure that is what they would call it.  Anyhoo I am off to practice my dance moves just in case a holographic TuPac magically appears in my living room and "throws down" a challenge for "street cred" on DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION.  It could happen.  We are after all living in the future now, right?  I really need to get one of those belts that light up your name on the large buckle.  Now that is what I call class.

Jason


P.S.  The Academy Award for Awesomeness should go to both Lee Valmassey and Art Hsu for their hyper energetic character portrayals of L Dubba E and KCDC.  They were most enjoyable.